Note: This is a compilation of Frontier Friday, a weekly Substack published, originally released on 3 Feb. 2023
PART I
Why So Serious About Humour?
THIS IS NOT ABOUT BEING FUNNY.
Why cover this topic on humour? After all, you don’t need me to tell you that having a sense of humour is good for you (and your clients). But there is something to be said that levity allows us to treat ourselves more lightly and in turn, we become more flexible and creative.
Sometimes, our want to be more “professional,” be more so-called “competent,” and appear more confident makes us treat ourselves way too seriously. As a result, we become more detached from the human dignity of vulnerable connection in the therapy room.
The apologetic writer Peter Kreeft noted that humour is a source of humility, which comes from the word “humus.” (i.e., dirt). To laugh easily, means to allow ourselves to be involuntarily moved by what someone else said, and to have the humility to realise our own foolishness.
Humility, is not to think less of yourself, but to not think of yourself at all!
My kid saw this whilst I was writing and laughed, “Just like me in the showers!”
This really hit home from me when I was examining my outcomes over the years (see this post, Solving for Patterns). Out of the five patterns, one of them I discovered regarding my poor outcome cases was that I had been too uptight, less playful and more rigidified than my usual self.
In this week and the next few, I will be providing some recommendations that have helped jolt me out of my egotistical need to be “more professional,” and swing me back to the ground. Humus.
If this is not about “being funny,” then what? It is about being about to have fun. It’s about having a lightness of being. Levity. Yes, even in the depths of suffering and tragedy. Just look at Dalai Lama.
Humour, the spiritual connective tissue.
- 📕 🙊Read: Humor, Seriously
I must admit, before reading this book, I didn’t have the word “levity” in my vocabulary.
In a bizarre closing section of the book, called the (After)words, the two authors conducted an interview with the renown writer Michael Lewis. It encapsulated this book well:
Micheal: “…So one of the ways I check to make sure that I’m living life the way I should is: if I notice long stretches without humor of any sort, I know something’s wrong. It’s like you’re in the woods, and you have the sudden sense you’re about to get eaten. You just know something feels wrong. And so I’ll intentionally stop and notice it and disrupt whatever is happening.”
Lewis goes on to say that humour is
“…like salt on airplane food—it makes everything better.”“I think most of the people who pick up this book are going to be people who think to themselves, “I need to be funny.” But they’re going to find out that that’s not what they need. What they need is to introduce a totally different spirit into their lives.”
It’s a worth-read. - 📽 Watch: Neal Brennan: Blocks
This 2022 Netflix special is a class-act.
I didn’t know about Neal Brennan’s history with Dave Chappelle’s show. Watching a standup act like this, reminds me of the potency of laughing at your own pain-points.
Brennan has a way of touching on the emotional and relational turmoils about how he feels something’s wrong with him. As a true comedian, he tackles the “taboo” subjects in a hilarious and intelligent way.
(This show got me digging further about Neal Brennan. Check out his interview with Scott Barry Kaufman. I am a fan of Kaufman’s work, but as a listener, this episode felt somewhat awkward at times, especially when Kaufman was trying to “diagnose” Brennan. Yet, it somewhat was a good interview).
- 📽 Watch: 12 truths I learned from living and writing by Anne LamottAuthor of Bird by Bird, Anne Lamott is strikingly humorous in her list of 12 things. Here’s her number two:“Almost everything will work again if you unplug it for a few minutes… including you.”
- 🤪 No Watch Joke
Taken from Rabbi Jonathan Sacks book, Morality, in the chapter Time and Consequence:
An old Jewish man and a young Jewish man are travelling on the train. The young man asks: ‘Excuse me, what time is it?
The old man says nothing.
‘Excuse me, sir, what time is it?
Again, the old man stays silent.
‘Sir, I’m asking you what time is it. Why don’t you answer?
The old man says: ‘Young man, the next stop is the last on this route. I don’t know you, so you must be a stranger. If I answer you now, there will be a relationship between us. I will have to invite you to my home. You are handsome, and I have a beautiful daughter.
You will both fall in love and you will want to get married. So tell me, why would I want a son-in-law who can’t even afford a watch?’ - ⏸ Words Worth Contemplating:
“Angels can fly because they take themselves so lightly.”
~ G.K. Chesterton (1874-1936)
Reflection:
Breath in the sufferings that you witness…
Breath out the joy and compassion you wish to give…
Repeat with each person that you meet.
PART II
- 📕 🙊Read: Ha!
Humour and religious views are not at odds with each other. Apologetic writer Peter Kreeft provides a doorway for all of us to learn to laugh, especially at ourselves.
Kreeft points out the etymology of the word “Humble,” which relates to “humus.” or earth. It is linked to the word “humor.”
“…Humility is usually misunderstood. It’s not a low opinion of yourself; it’s no opinion of yourself.
…Sometimes proud people talk about how bad they are, and that’s a form of pride too, a dangerous one because it’s camouflaged.
Jokes are both causes and effects of humility. They both foster and express humility. How? By their surprise. The secret of most jokes is the timing, the sudden “aha!” moment.
Key Grafs:
– A good joke turns us into Shakers. It makes us shake with laughter. It’s like a mental orgasm. It is a mental orgasm.
– Telling a good joke makes someone laugh, and making someone laugh is an act of charity. Therefore being a good comedian is a high and holy calling.
– We can even perform this act of charity toward God. How can you make God laugh? Just tell Him your plans.
– As Michael O’Brien says, “humor is the delight of suddenly expanded perspective. Humor is the transformation of linear vision into the multidimensional. Humor is not logical, Nor is it anti-logical. It is meta-logical.”
– Or one might say that humor is logical and shows us that we are not. But it is best to say that humor is neither logical nor illogical (i.e., less than logical) but trans-logical (more than logical). It is like love that way, and beauty, and music, and mysticism
Anytime I recommend a book vaguely linked to religious views, a part of me worries that it might get misconstrued. This is not a book about religion. If anything, it’s a book about how we live, how we relate, and the daily practice of lightening up. - 📽 Watch: Documentary, Jerry Seinfeld Comedian
Nearly everyone knows Seinfeld. I am recommending this particular documentary because it dispels the myths shrouded around being a top comedian—or any top performer—and the hard work involved in creating the act.
Having retired his old stand-up comedy act, the sitcom Seinfeld and his 1998 HBO special, this show documents the process of him developing an entirely new act.
This segment around the 49-min mark left a deep impression on me:
You know, when I was starting out I used to sit down and write a couple times a week. And then one day I was watching these construction workers go back to work… and I was watching them kind of trudging down the street. And I was…like.. er… it was like a revelation to me, and I realised…These guys don’t want to go back to work after lunch, but they’re going. ‘Cause this is their job.
And I think if they can exhibit that level of dedication for that job, I should be able to do the same. Just trudge your ass in.
This is particular documentary is relevant when we think about how we learn. When therapists attempt to learn from “master” therapists, oftentimes we see the result, the output, but not the input. We need more examples of not just how people perform, but how they learn.
- Read: Is This Anything?
Some time ago, I was really taken by Seinfeld’s idea of a creating a daily streak.
But what exactly should I be have for my “streak”? It can’t be too many… Chase two rabbits, and you catch none.
After some deliberation, I decided that since I was a rather haphazard thinker, and that I also clarify my thinking when I put them down, I decided that I am go making writing a habit. Not binge-write, but write down my ideas, my learnings, my blunders, etc. on a fairly consistent basis (e.g., see Parameters and Samples for Capturing Weekly Therapy Learnings).
However, I had other things to juggle, like, mouths to feed. Like so many of us these days, there isn’t just “one thing” on my plate. And I wasn’t exactly aiming to be a full-time writer. I just wanted to learn better, so that I can be better as a person and as a professional.
Then I stumbled upon an app, called Beeminder. I talked about this in FF02. In short, it’s a free app that “stings me” with losing a couple of bucks, if I fall of the rail.
As opposed to paying for something, nothing stings more than losing money (i.e., loss adversion).
I’m kinda embarrassed to say this, but since Aug 2019, I’ve begrudgingly lost some money1:
Remember, I lost money to Beeminder because I didn’t keep up with my intentions of writing consistently. The app was “free.” How perverse.
My first thought looking at these figures—for the first time actually—is, “what a perverse incentive!” But is the $41 (USD, if I may add), spent/lost worth it? My answer is a “tentative yes. “Tentative” because, I really don’t want to give Beeminder anymore money. And “yes” because, it is entirely aligned with my intentions.
Reading Seinfeld’s cumulation of jokes across 25 years, his book Is This Anything isn’t really as funny as watching him live on stage, of course. But, it really hit home from me, what it really means to be devoted to your craft.
One line, one idea, one day at a time.
As far as I’ve read, Seinfeld has been writing jokes by hand on yellow foolscap paper every single day since 1975. To put that in perspective, that’s more than 15 thousand days of writing and millions of words.
- 🎧 Listen: Interview with Jerry Seinfeld by Tim Ferriss
I’ve recommended this before in FF20.
After learning more about Seinfeld, this particular long-form podcast interview with the legend was such a treat. In particular, it was humbling to learn more about his systems and routines.
Key grafs:
– When writing, treat yourself like a baby. When editing, be a hard-ass.
– Pain is knowledge rushing in to fill a void. - ⏸ Words Worth Contemplating:
“Comedian” is a high and holy calling because comedians make people happy. Good comedians love three things: laughter and happiness and people.
~ Peter Kreeft.
Reflection:
Humility… Humus…Humour.
A graceful self-forgetting.
PART III
Why watch comedians?
- They’re funny. (duh)
- They disarm.
- They give voice to unspoken truths.
- We can learn from them to be craftsman at our craft.
This week, we learn from Trevor Noah, a comedian, and Bobby McFerrin, who is not a comedian, but who will make you laugh!
- 📽 Watch: Bobby McFerrin Try This at Home
I first recommended this in FF98: Emotions and the Voice. Here’s what I blurbed:
I must have watched this more than a dozen times.
Watch how Bobby McFerrin (yep, the guy who sang Don’t Worry, Be Happy) takes to the stage with no pre-conceived idea what he’s gonna sing. Instead, he gathers what the audiences bring, and makes music with them in real-time, using nothing but the voice. Talk about engagement!
I bring this up in this list particularly because I wanted to highlight how powerful it is to say someone’s name. Watch this segment starting around 14:20.
As I think about this, some years ago, on an outreach with a 15-yr-old, because he had also watched this Bobby McFerrin performance, we ended up making our own improvised act together. We looked like complete fools impersonating Elvis, rapping and singing made up lyrics on the fly. At that time, I didn’t quite know where all of this was leading to. Is this even therapy? I met him about 7 years on, he remembers this.It turned out to be fertile grounds for our work together. It opened up the door to talking about his mother, whom he had lost as a child.
For more about Bobby McFerrin, listen to his interview with Krista Tippett, On Being. It is a real treat to listen to what guides him. - 📽 Watch: Son of Patricia by Trevor Noah
Trevor is a 39-year-old South African Comedian and former TV host of the Daily Show. (His birthday happens to be on this day that I’m writing this, 20th of Feb). Here, he weaves stories about his Xhosa mother, his Swiss-German father, his exposure to domestic violence, snakes, camping, racism immunity, and so much more!
Another previous recommendation from FF98, is his standup comedy Afraid of the Dark.
His impressions of accents are hilarious. His imaginary dialogue with Nelson Mandela teaching Barack Obama how to use his voice was sooo good – as well as his take on why speaking with a Russian accent should be taught to girls as a defense strategy.
Here’s a short compilation of his standups from Netflix.
- 📽 Watch: The 60 Minutes Interview with Trevor Noah
If you have followed Frontiers Friday long enough, you’d have figured that I often trying to get to the backstory. Here, Trevor Noah talks to 60 Minutes about his roots, his feelings of being an outsider, and how he became a voracious reader. - 😂 Laugh: Doctor and Patient Knowledge
Allen Frances was the Chair of APA task force overseeing the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, DSM-IV, who became critical of the over-medicalisation of normal human behaviour and spoke out against DSM-V.
Frances said,
“Mental disorders are constructs, not diseases. Descriptive, not explanatory. Helpful in communication/treatment planning, but no claims re causality/ homogeneity/clear boundaries. We wrote this in DSM-IV Intro–no one read it.”
Here’s one of his tweets:
Here’s one of the early articles I read about Frances, which was written by Gary Greenberg, who also wrote an exposé of the psychiatric profession’s bible called The Book of Woe: The DSM and the unmaking of psychiatry. - ⏸ Words Worth Contemplating:
Jerry Seinfeld, in the documentary Comedian (see FF124), said to his audience while he was testing out new materials,
“Can you believe you’re in charge of deciding whether our brilliant ideas are good or not?”
Reflection:
Don’t be too quick to name things. Experience it, deeply, specifically and slowly.
Worry less about the nouns.
Be the verb, and share it.
PART IV
- 📽 Watch: Tig
I was not familiar with Tig Notaro’s work before this Netflix documentary.
Here’s the brief: After comedian Tig is diagnosed with stage II breast cancer, she creates a poignant stand-up set that becomes legendary overnight.
Here’s the trailer:
- 📽 Watch: Nanette
Australian comedian Hannah Gadsby show, Nanette is in a class of its own.
How does one make you laugh one minute and move you to tears the next? Her punchlines and personal revelations on gender, sexuality and childhood adversities has re-shaped comedy.
If you haven’t watched this before, I highly recommend that you do.
Here’s a poignant clip:
“Do you understand what self-deprecation means when it comes from somebody who already exists in the margins? It’s not humility. It’s humiliation.
I put myself down in order to speak… in order to seek permission… to speak. And I simply will not do that anymore.”
- 👓Short Read: Majority Affective Disorder, Pleasant Type.
It is proposed that happiness be classified as a psychiatric disorder and be included in future editions of the major diagnostic manuals under the new name: major affective disorder, pleasant type.
In a review of the relevant literature it is shown that happiness is statistically abnormal, consists of a discrete cluster of symptoms, is associated witha range of cognitive abnormalities, and probably reflects the abnormal functioning of the central nervous system. One possible objection to this proposal remains—that happiness is not negatively valued. However, this objection is dismissed as scientifically irrelevant.
~ Author of Doctoring the Mind and Madness Explained, Richard Bentall1, in Journal of Medical Ethics, 1992. - 😂 Laugh: “Mom, where did I come from?”
A six-year-old asked her mother: “Ma. Tell me the truth. Where did I come from?” The flustered mother thought, Must I really start explaining the details of sexual reproduction already?
So she asked, “Tell me, Debbie, why do you want to know?”
Debbie said, “Cause the kid next door said he came from Melbourne. I wanna know where I come from.” - ⏸ Words Worth Contemplating:
Taken from Richard Nisbett’s book, Mindware, highlighting the importance of framing:
Consider the Trappist monks in two (apocryphal) stories. Monk 1 asked his abbot whether it would be all right to smoke while he prayed. Scandalized, the abbot said, “Of course not; that borders on sacrilege.”
Monk 2 asked his abbot whether it would be all right to pray while he smoked. “Of course,” said the abbot, “God wants to hear from us at any time.”
As Frank Zappa said,
“The most important thing in art is the frame… you have to put a “box” around it because otherwise, what is that shit on the wall?”2
Reflection:
Attention is a moral act.
When working with a client, how do you frame your perspective? How do you guide your attention?
When things aren’t resonating, take a laugh, and be willing to change the frame.
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