Reviewing the previous year in June seems less like a reflection and more like an income tax review.
Even though this is 6 months delayed, I’m still going to do this.
For those who are familiar with the Frontiers of Psychotherapist Development (FPD), I do an annual evaluation to see where I’ve been, so that I can get a sense of where I’m going.
Here’s the last 3 years’ annual reflection:
2018
Private Thoughts (Part I)
Personal Learnings (Part II)
2019
Personal Mistakes (Part I)
Personal Learnings (Part II)
I’ve been using a template called Highlights in Weeks to document the main takeaways each week of the year.
If you are interested in using the template, I’ve made a revised version of this, and you can download it for free. (note: I’ve printed it out as A2 size, so that it’s feasible to write on).
Here’s a snapshot of mine for 2021.
2021 Theme on “Upstream”
Why Upstream?
I decided that the main theme for 2020 would be “Upstream.” Creating a yearly theme is meant to serve as a guiding light for me and not lose track of the direction I want to head.
“Upstream” served as a counterpoint to fire-fighting, downstream type of work that I can get easily sucked into. Upstream meant that I invest time in making things that are going to serve my intentions well into the future. By design, this also meant that it would be harder at the early phase, but the pay-off will be higher in the long-term.
I’m influenced by the authors Dan Heath’s book Upstream, poet and author Mary Oliver with a prose of the same title, and Roman Krznaric for The Good Ancestors that really made me look beyond the “now” and into the “long now.”
One practical principle I derived from this “Upstream” theme: Make big decisions to avoid small decisions.
This statement is now in my daily planner notes to remind my monkey-mind when I’m busy fire-fighting stuff.
For instance, for the longest time, I’ve felt the inclination to write and produce more books. Writing is certainly a gruelling process – but also highly gratifying. It has become a way of sharpening my thinking, as I not only write what I think I know, but I write in order to know.
On a clinical practice level, instead of making a decision on a week-by-week basis, I’ve since made the “big” decision in 2020 to have a 15min gap between clients. This means that I probably see 1 less client per day, and I end the day slightly later around 6pm. That said, this feels more sustainable for me. The 15min gap also allows me to finish case notes, to recompose myself and gather my thoughts for the next client. And if my time management is off, I have that grace period to play with.
I’ve also made a decision around my daily/weekly habits. Instead of reacting to things, I’ve roughly designed my days that stays close to my intent (e.g., solitary work, clinical practice, teaching, family time, creative time). I’ve also continued to block access to my inbox between 11pm to 12pm the next day. I’ve used the app Freedom.io to prevent me from knee-jerk checking of my emails during those stipulated times (Irrationally, I’ve found workarounds to send and receive emails during my blocked periods!)
9 Personal Learnings
Now that we’ve covered grounds on the “Upstream” theme for 2021, here are my 9 key learnings I wanna make sure I don’t forget.
1. Levity –> Flexibility –>Creativity
Reading the book, Humor Seriously reminded me the importance of levity. I wrote about the value of keeping a playful spirit in my clinical practice in this post, Solving for Patterns.
The idea of levity has been more helpful than humour. I don’t have to be comedic or add the pressure of making someone laugh to the point of stitches. Levity, as it turns out, is one of the gateways to soften the grounds. In turn, I feel more psychologically flexible and more divergent in my thinking in sessions.
2. Weekly Rhythm of 5, 5, 2, 1, 1 Not Possible
This was a mistake.
The plan was to spend these number of hours per day, Mondays to Fridays, on creative output: Mondays, 5 hrs; Tuesdays, 5 hrs, Wednesdays, 2 hrs; Thursdays, 1 hr; Fridays, 1 hr.
“Creative outputs” simply meant that I would work on book projects, research studies, workshop content, etc. It was initially set out to counter an over-consumption of content, even if it was for preparation of producing something worthwhile.
I have no idea why this seemed feasible at the start of 2020. Who was I kidding?
This relates to the next point, relating to a cognitive bias I keep falling into.
3. Planning Fallacy Redux
Point #2 was ultimately a kind of planning fallacy. As I look back the previous year’s “Highlight in Weeks,” this was by far, a consistent blunder that I keep making.
How is it I keep falling for this trap?
Projects and tasks often take longer that I’ve planned. But yet, every time when I start a new project, it truly feels possible to do it in tighter deadline.
And what happens in the end? Stuff takes longer that I’ve planned. And the effect is disappointment with myself.
Differentiate between Possible and Feasible
My talk-home learning regarding planning fallacy is this: Distinguish between what’s possible versus what’s feasible. This means that I need to buffer for planning fallacy with a rough equation of “X multiply by 1.5.” On top of that, I need to make sure that I take on only 1 major project at a time. This was one of the “Upstream” decisions I have to keep in going forward.
This decision had direct implications. I had to stop one of my writing projects, while another was ongoing. It felt like a grieving process, that I couldn’t see it to fruition at that time. I had to let that go. I was driving myself insane, and my family was paying the price for my grumpiness. So I made a promise to myself to halt that solo writing project and see to it that I completed my other collaborations before I get back to it. Plus, I’m so grateful to the beta-readers from folks on the Frontiers for giving me detailed feedback about my manuscript; it’s certainly a motivator to see it through for them, since they put in the effort for me.
4. Monthly Family Adventures
Unlike #2 and #3, this is one “Upstream” decision that I’m proud of. My wife and I made the decision that we are to take one family adventure per month. This could be a day-trip, or going somewhere new.
This helped to break the monotony of daily living. Besides, there is actually so much to see in Western Australia. Once we stayed one night at National Park. We woke up to a grass full of fresh kangaroo poo.
Doing these monthly family adventures has been a good decision to implement. It pulls me out of my head in work, and not lose this precious time we have with our young kids.
The guiding principle for work and personal life has been this: Family, think short-term; Work, think long-term.
While this might sound counter-intuitive at first glance, the idea around thinking short-term with family life is so that I do not defer rich experiences with people I care about. I wanna act on them sooner rather than later. If I keep family life in the short-term view, I’m more likely be present for my wife and kids.
With work, I wanna keep chipping away, and keep my vision into the far-flung future; to develop a body of work beyond me. If I keep work in the long-term view, I’m more likely to not overwork myself, and take small steps towards the big picture.
The relationship between work and life is not one about striking a balance, but more about creating a complimentary relationship between them.
Here’s Paul Graham on the difference between Work/Life Balance vs. Work-life Balance:
“That’s why it’s a mistake to insist dogmatically on “work/life balance.” Indeed, the mere expression “work/life” embodies a mistake: it assumes work and life are distinct. For those to whom the word “work” automatically implies the dutiful plodding kind, they are. But for the skaters, the relationship between work and life would be better represented by a dash than a slash. I wouldn’t want to work on anything I didn’t want to take over my life.”
5. Migrating to Obsidian as My Personalised Learning System (PLS)
I treasure learning. Learning means to be surprised by stuff, and discovering a world beyond me.
One of the ways I’ve found useful to cultivate a deep learning attitude is to take notes. I was using an app called Simplenote for the longest time. It was free, easy, and no fussing around with it (can’t exactly mess with the fonts, format, etc).
So when I decided in May 2021 to migrate to a new app called Obsidian, it was a big deal. I knew I was suspectible to “new and shiny things,” but Obsidian was head over heels above that.
So much so that I made 5 videos on how I made Obsidian my central Personalised Learning System (PLS).
Close to a year now, I’m pleased that I made this switch. It’s not often that I actually experience a sense of joy using a piece of software. Particularly the ability to create bi-directional links (i.e., linking one note to another), has been a huge plus for me. The graph view also makes it more delicious.
The downside? Playing around too much with the plugins (little extensions you can add on to Obsidian that are created by the community of Obisidian users).
6. Monthly vs. Quarterly Themes?
Since Aug 21, I decided to capture a monthly theme on a big butcher paper that was aligned with what I was learning. Here are some samples:
This was actually fun to do. Over the last few years, I’ve found the process of sketchnoting rewarding. Readers might recall a series of newsletters on See What You Hear, and Hear What You See
FF63,
FF64
FF65,
FF66
However, as much fun as it was to consolidate to a monthly theme on what I was learning, it hasn’t exactly been useful. This doesn’t negate the value of sketchnoting, but doing it monthly hasn’t turned out to be good use of my time.
Going forward, what I would do instead is to do a quarterly consolidation of my learnings, and see how this connects with the annual theme.
7. The OPL Concept
This new concept is featured in Chapter 2 of our upcoming book, The Field Guide to Better Results.
In gist, the OPL, or the Outcome Goal, Process Goal and Learning Project is about.
The OPL is a three-step sequence to help you your professional development efforts. The Outcome Goal, Process Goal, and Learning Projects (OPL) framework is designed to help you gain clarity and specificity in order to ensure that your efforts in deliberate practice translate to better client outcomes.
I. Outcome Goal
The outcome goal is the “What” you are trying to achieve.
II. Process Goal
The process goal is the “How to” that leads to impacting the stated outcome goal.
III. Learning Projects
Finally, the learning project is the nuts and bolts of what you need to do to influence your process goal, that is tied to the outcome goal. A learning project consists both of inputs and outputs, and it is constantly held at the back of the practitioner’s mind during a time bound period of cascading the impact from the process goal to the outcome goal.
It is worth emphasising that the learning project and the process goal must link to the outcome goal. This is why, at first blush, the OPL sounds relatively easy. However, when you begin taking the three primary steps in the OPL framework, you will find that the effort involved to clarify, specify and quantify the elements is challenging.
I’ve found that this framework provides a scaffold when working with clients as well.
– Outcome Goal = Client’s Explicit Personal Goals
– Process Goal = The Therapeutic “How To” Goals
– Learning Goals = What the client needs to learn or develop
8. Frontiers Community
In Frontiers Friday Newsletter #19 (FF19), I reached to readers of the Frontiers and got a chance to connect with several of you on a one-on-on basic in the first quarter of 2021; no expectations, no outcome to achieve, no agenda, just to connect. This meant alot to me, as most of the time, must of the creation of the newsletters and the blogposts are done within the chambers of my own head.
What I takeaway from that experience is an acute awareness of how much I yield to form a community of practitioners who treasure similar deep learning and soulful values.
I’ve been toying for a long time of the best ways to bring people together. And more than 6 months later, I reached out to folks on Frontiers Friday Newsletter #93 (FF93).
I’m so grateful to the ones who have raised your hands up to want to form this community. I will be in touch with you shortly.
9. Season Awareness
I’ve been writing a manuscript on the topic of Seasons and Contradictory Needs, working Title: 15 Paradoxical Ideas on Mental Health. This is one of those things where you write what you know, and your writing also shapes what you know.
One of the challenges is that we do not think in terms of seasons for our inner lives. We are season-blind. While we can appreciate differences between contrasting life-stages such as childhood and adulthood, we somehow think that our personal emotional needs remain constant.
Paying attention to seasonality is like listening to the four seasons. Growing up in tropical country like Singapore, this is rather new to me. When my wife and I moved to Australia more than a decade ago, it’s hard not to get the check-in from relatives about making sure we packed enough warm clothing. From the lawn, to the trees, and the birds, nature is not season-blind. It is season-adaptive. It responses to it. While the outer-life has its seasons, so does the inner-life. To be intentional season-blind is deny the evolving needs of oneself. The price we pay? Your mental health suffers.
Examples of Seasons
Over the years, I’ve asked people I encounter in my practice of psychotherapy this question. A client recently said to me she felt like she’s “Crossing a bridge.” This analogy was really useful as it provides a sense of unease in footing (it’s a wobbly draw bridge), the pace that’s required (slow and steady), but also that she needed to keep moving, even though a part of her felt like she wants to retreat. Because ahead of her is a figurative new country. There are lots of unknowns. But that is what’s exciting about this bridge-crossing phase. Getting to somewhere foreign, and being open to explore, learn new things about the world and about yourself— isn’t that what we call tourism?
For others, this question can lead them to gaze outside my window and become speechless. If this is you, do not pressure yourself for a quick response to this exercise. Take the time that you need to reflect on this. Let this sit at the back of your mind as you go on your day; let this percolate as you take a walk. Go through the following examples below and come back to it a little later.
The Fourth Turning
Let us briefly turn to two historians to gain further insights on how to look at the wheels of time. William Strauss and Neil Howe’s historical analysis on the Fourth Turning provides a fascinating read of our generational and social patterns. Over the past five centuries, they have found that the Anglo-American society enters a new era— a new “turning”—about every 2 decades. The span of the four turnings are roughly the length of a human’s existence (80 to a 100 years), what they call as a saeculum. Strauss and Howe’s notes that “At the start of each turning, people change how they feel about themselves, the culture, the nation, and the future.” (For a useful visual summary, watch this video)
According to Strauss and Howe, the four cycles are
1. High
“The First Turning is… an upbeat era of strengthening institutions and weakening individualism, when a new civic order implants and the old values regime decays.”
1. Awakening:
“The Second Turning is… a passionate era of spiritual upheaval, when the civic order comes under attack from a new values regime.”
3. Unravelling
“The Third Turning is… a downcast era of strengthening individualism and weakening institutions, when the old civic order decays and the new values regime implants.”
4. Crisis:
“The Fourth Turning is… a decisive era of secular upheaval, when the values regime propels the replacement of the old civic order with a new one.” (Note: At this point of writing, based on historical unfoldings, we are likely to be in the fourth turning.)
While the Fourth Turning speaks largely on a societal and political level, I see that there are four significant demarcations that are helpful for you to think about the seasons of your life that you are in:
Seasons of Life
1. RENEWAL
– Revitalisation
– New life
– Growth
2. COME OF AGE
– Gains of love
– Self-discovery
– maturation
3. GRIEF
– Closure
– loss
4. CRITICAL POINT
– Bridge-crossing
– Changes
– Cross-roads
Somewhere around Jun 2021, I am in a season just passing the fourth turning of Critical Point and perhaps, at the beginnings of the first turning of Renewal. I called this season of my life as “Creating a Home.” After moving from Singapore to Perth nearly 12 years ago, I’m feeling more of an impulse to put my roots down. I also began to recognise around Nov 2021, that in order to turn our house into a home, I needed to create “spaciousness” in my life, to be present as a father and a husband. I can so easily go into the multiple rabbit-holes in my mind, and fall into the trappings of busy-ness.
Although not as frequent as I would like, I continue to write down memorable (often funny) stories about our kids. I also try to make home video compilations whenever we take our monthly family adventures (see point #4). The only trouble is, the expectation has been set that there’s a home video made after each trip. Recently, at a recent school excursion, my daughter’s friends even ask me if I can make a video of that outing.
“To lead a memorable life, we need to the ability to remember.”
~ Joshua Foer
EPILOGUE:
Days Left Before I Die
see Looking Back at 2020 (FPD)
I wrote about this last year . In gist, I have a countdown timer for a single purpose: An estimate of how many days I have left before I die, notwithstanding freak accidents or disruptive innovations in life extension.
Here’s a screenshot (minus about 14 days since I took the screenshot)
Here’s what I wrote last year:
“Based on some simple Web search, and being an Asian male who doesn’t have significant bad habits or heath issues, I estimated how long I might live (about 81.4 years), and then key in the rough date, and viola. The day I die.
What was striking was how little amount of days I might have (14,000+). At age 42, for some unexamined reasons, I assumed I would have abit more days than that!
This completely heightened my sense of wakefulness about my mortality. It sharpened some kind of clarity in a visceral way… I mean, we all know that we are all gonna die, but have the estimates of the literal number of days left, completely added perspective.
I told some people about what I did with this countdown timer. One said “that sounds a bit morbid.” A youth I was working with said, “That sounds like alot of time left.” Talk about perspective… but most have the same reaction of “Wow.”
Most of the exclamations were really about the implications for themselves.
On a related note, as I think about people in my life who have passed away, I’ve been thinking a lot about what it means to die well. After all, how we die impacts the living. There’s an African proverb that I hold close, “When death finds you, may it find you alive.”
It’s something to behold when an app shines an existential light.
YOUR TURN:
Your thoughts and reactions the newsletters/blogs/videos/podcasts have been greatly appreciated. Please keep them coming as it is so good to hear from you.
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