What Therapy Is (Or Isn’t).

The psychodynamic camp says, “Your past is the problem.”

The third wave mindfulness therapist says “Mindlessness is the problem.”

The emotion-focused therapist says, “Your unresolved feelings are the problem.”

The pioneering team at Mental Research Institute (MRI), Palo Alto says “the attempted solution is the problem.”

The solution-oriented practitioner says “There are exceptions to the problem.”

Meanwhile, the problem-solving camp says “There are solutions to the problems,” and the narrative therapist says, “The person is not the problem, the problem is the problem.”


Here’s our problem: The way we define what therapy is or isn’t could be the source why some clients who do not engage with us. (And a source of ongoing debate in our field. Watch this wonderful discussion between Bruce Wampold and Peter Fonagy)

Here’s some that I hear others (and myself) define therapy as:

• Not about advice giving;
• Not providing direction;
• Non-directive listening;
• We should not influence clients;
• Therapy is not coaching;
• Clients should find their own solutions;
• The alliance must be discussed;
• The alliance must not be discussed;
• We should look into the past;
• We should not waste time in the past, and

 …And so on.

What if we are wrong about some of these ideas for some of our clients, some of the time? What if we do need to provide some direction, or go into the past, or God forbid, provide some inspiration?

What if we learn to hold our ideas lightly? Why should we make people fit into our theories of human development, but instead, shouldn’t we co-construct an individual map for each person?

Maybe we should start each therapeutic endeavor with the following: What cultivates healing for this person in distress?

Note: ‘Writing… is like driving a car at night,” says E.L. Doctorow,  “You can see only as far as your headlights, but you can make the whole trip that way.” After 2 years, I’m so glad my headlights lasted this far. The First Kiss: Undoing the Intake Model and Igniting First Sessions in Psychotherapy is available for pre-order on amazon now.