{"id":1439,"date":"2023-11-10T12:42:00","date_gmt":"2023-11-10T12:42:00","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/darylchow.com\/fullcircles\/?p=1439"},"modified":"2024-03-11T11:44:38","modified_gmt":"2024-03-11T11:44:38","slug":"45learnings","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/darylchow.com\/fullcircles\/45learnings\/","title":{"rendered":"My Top 45 Things I Want My Kids To Learn"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<p>We haven&#8217;t taught until they have learned&#8230; and knowing that we are never gonna get it right.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<hr class=\"wp-block-separator has-alpha-channel-opacity\"\/>\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\"><strong>The Amateur Sport of Parenting<\/strong><\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p>It is neither useful nor surprising to state the following (but I&#8217;d say it anyway):&nbsp;<strong>Parenting is hard!<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Parenting is hard because<\/p>\n\n\n\n<ul class=\"wp-block-list\">\n<li>We have explicit and implicit expectations,<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>We have the ability to influence, and yet, paradoxically, we ultimately have no control, and<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>It is an\u00a0<a href=\"http:\/\/darylchow.com\/fullcircles\/parenting-is\/\">amateur sport<\/a>. The moment you think you\u2019ve turned pro, the rules changed.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n\n\n\n<p>Put it another way. Parenting would be \u2018easy\u2019 if<\/p>\n\n\n\n<ul class=\"wp-block-list\">\n<li>We have ZERO expectations,<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>We disavow our ability to influence and nurture.<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>You focus on being the \u201cgreat parent,\u201d as opposed to tending to their nature and their needs.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n\n\n\n<p>Two years ago, while I was putting kids to bed combined with a semi-conscious and loose associative state of mind, I ended up pondering about what were the great subjects of my life. What have I gravitated towards trying to comprehend, understand, and make sense?<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>I looked through my notes<a href=\"https:\/\/fullcircles.substack.com\/p\/45learnings#footnote-1-138745006\">1<\/a>&nbsp;over the last decade. Then I listed down all of the main themes of my pursuit. The &#8216;Great Subjects of My Life&#8217; encompassed a seemingly non-coherent thread, spanning from science and spirituality to relationships, healing, expertise development, learning, morality, therapy, emotions, and cognitive sciences.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>This got me thinking.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>If I was to be a\u00a0<a href=\"http:\/\/darylchow.com\/fullcircles\/fatherfigure\/\">good ancestor<\/a>\u00a0to my kids, what do I want to pass on to them, or at least attempt to kindle a consideration of? I started to brainstorm. I was 43 back then, so I thought I would keep to no more than 43 items.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>I started listing them down, but never quite saw the value of doing so at that point in time. Now, as I re-look at the incomplete list, I thought to myself that this might be a worthy exercise to engage in.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>I\u2019m 45 now, so I\u2019ve taken the liberty to add two more.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>My suspicion is that the list might slightly increase in the coming years, and then likely decrease later on as I\u2019d recalibrate my expectations (or get more jaded).<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>45 things is&nbsp;<em>a lot<\/em>&nbsp;of things. But the idea is to map out what matters most.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>In no particular order of virtues, values or skills, here it goes.<\/p>\n\n\n<div class=\"wp-block-image\">\n<figure class=\"aligncenter size-large is-resized\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" width=\"763\" height=\"1024\" src=\"http:\/\/darylchow.com\/fullcircles\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/12\/image-9-763x1024.png\" alt=\"\" class=\"wp-image-1440\" style=\"aspect-ratio:0.7451171875;width:368px;height:auto\" srcset=\"https:\/\/darylchow.com\/fullcircles\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/12\/image-9-763x1024.png 763w, https:\/\/darylchow.com\/fullcircles\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/12\/image-9-224x300.png 224w, https:\/\/darylchow.com\/fullcircles\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/12\/image-9-768x1030.png 768w, https:\/\/darylchow.com\/fullcircles\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/12\/image-9-676x907.png 676w, https:\/\/darylchow.com\/fullcircles\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/12\/image-9.png 791w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 763px) 100vw, 763px\" \/><\/figure><\/div>\n\n\n<p><a rel=\"noreferrer noopener\" href=\"https:\/\/substackcdn.com\/image\/fetch\/f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep\/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fad06a623-8b4d-40a0-8730-8a81c1f47197_791x1061.png\" target=\"_blank\"><\/a><\/p>\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\"><strong>45 Things I Want My Kids To Learn<\/strong><\/h2>\n\n\n\n<ol class=\"wp-block-list\">\n<li><strong>How Things Grow<\/strong><\/li>\n\n\n\n<li><strong>Fierce Kindness<\/strong><\/li>\n\n\n\n<li><strong>Learning to Listen to Your Own Voice<\/strong><\/li>\n\n\n\n<li><strong>Dignity of The Person<\/strong><\/li>\n\n\n\n<li><strong>Equality<\/strong><\/li>\n\n\n\n<li><strong>Friendship<\/strong><\/li>\n\n\n\n<li><strong>Forgiveness<\/strong><\/li>\n\n\n\n<li><strong>Courage<\/strong><\/li>\n\n\n\n<li><strong>Morality<\/strong><\/li>\n\n\n\n<li><strong>Means vs. Ends<\/strong><\/li>\n\n\n\n<li><strong>The Creative Process<\/strong><\/li>\n\n\n\n<li><strong>Mistakes and the Dangers of Perfection<\/strong><\/li>\n\n\n\n<li><strong>Embracing constraints<\/strong><\/li>\n\n\n\n<li><strong>Play<\/strong><\/li>\n\n\n\n<li><strong>Improvisation<\/strong><\/li>\n\n\n\n<li><strong>Love of Music<\/strong><\/li>\n\n\n\n<li><strong>Know the Beatles Catalogue<\/strong><\/li>\n\n\n\n<li><strong>Love of Reading<\/strong><\/li>\n\n\n\n<li><strong>Love of Learning (not Performing) via the Hard Way on Purpose<\/strong><\/li>\n\n\n\n<li><strong>Conversations<\/strong><\/li>\n\n\n\n<li><strong>Becoming a Good Ancestor<\/strong><\/li>\n\n\n\n<li><strong>Tending to Your Gifts<\/strong><\/li>\n\n\n\n<li><strong>Tending to the Gifts of Others<\/strong><\/li>\n\n\n\n<li><strong>Community<\/strong><\/li>\n\n\n\n<li><strong>The Power of Words<\/strong><\/li>\n\n\n\n<li><strong>The Power of Your Voice<\/strong><\/li>\n\n\n\n<li><strong>Poetry<\/strong><\/li>\n\n\n\n<li><strong>Writing<\/strong><\/li>\n\n\n\n<li><strong>Servant leadership<\/strong><\/li>\n\n\n\n<li><strong>Empathy<\/strong><\/li>\n\n\n\n<li><strong>Prayer and Contemplation<\/strong><\/li>\n\n\n\n<li><strong>Paradox<\/strong><\/li>\n\n\n\n<li><strong>Don&#8217;t jump to conclusions<\/strong><\/li>\n\n\n\n<li><strong>Draw<\/strong><\/li>\n\n\n\n<li><strong>See the math behind the world, and mystery behind the math.<\/strong><\/li>\n\n\n\n<li><strong>Wonderment via Deep Noticing, leading to involuntary gratitude<\/strong><\/li>\n\n\n\n<li><strong>Know Your Roots<\/strong><\/li>\n\n\n\n<li><strong>Struggle is not a Failure<\/strong><\/li>\n\n\n\n<li><strong>Taking Care of Their Inner Life<\/strong><\/li>\n\n\n\n<li><strong>Graceful Self-Forgetting<\/strong><\/li>\n\n\n\n<li><strong>The Difference between competence and confidence<\/strong><\/li>\n\n\n\n<li><strong>Self-Efficacy<\/strong><\/li>\n\n\n\n<li><strong>Allowing Beauty to Move You<\/strong><\/li>\n\n\n\n<li><strong>Love<\/strong><\/li>\n<\/ol>\n\n\n\n<hr class=\"wp-block-separator has-alpha-channel-opacity\"\/>\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\"><strong>The Rationale<\/strong><\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p>Here\u2019s my attempt to provide a reason for why each of these exists. The list is long, but I\u2019d keep the explanations short.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h4 class=\"wp-block-heading\">1. How Things Grow<\/h4>\n\n\n\n<ul class=\"wp-block-list\">\n<li>To be sensitive to the natural world, and notice how nature works.<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>In turn, how we can model and \u2018biomimic\u2019 nature in all that we create.<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>See #14. Play, and #15. Improvisation.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n\n\n\n<h4 class=\"wp-block-heading\">2. Fierce Kindness<\/h4>\n\n\n\n<ul class=\"wp-block-list\">\n<li>Kindness requires a kind of tenacity, an act of resistance from our reactivity.<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>This requires us to take pause, stand firm, and approach with gentleness.<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>For more, see\u00a0<a href=\"http:\/\/darylchow.com\/fullcircles\/\/tenderness-is-not-weakness\/\">Tenderness is Not Weakness What I\u2019ve Learned from Jean Vanier<\/a><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n\n\n\n<h4 class=\"wp-block-heading\">3. Learning to Listen to Your Own Voice<\/h4>\n\n\n\n<ul class=\"wp-block-list\">\n<li>The world is a noisy place.<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>Learning to listen to the smaller, quieter voice within will take practice.<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>When we attune ourselves to listen within, that\u2019s where God is found.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n\n\n\n<h4 class=\"wp-block-heading\">4. Dignity of The Person<\/h4>\n\n\n\n<ul class=\"wp-block-list\">\n<li>Dignity is given, not earned. human value of a person.<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>Treat people not as a means to an end, by an end of itself (see #9. Means vs. Ends)<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>A person in power can rob a person&#8217;s dignity. Our task is not so much as to empower, but to encourage.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n\n\n\n<h4 class=\"wp-block-heading\">5. Equality<\/h4>\n\n\n\n<ul class=\"wp-block-list\">\n<li>From the words of Joshua Wooden, father of legendary coach John Wooden,<em>No one is better than you and you are not better than anyone else.<\/em><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n\n\n\n<h4 class=\"wp-block-heading\">6. Friendship<\/h4>\n\n\n\n<ul class=\"wp-block-list\">\n<li>At every age, friendship is a diagnosis of our lives.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n\n\n\n<h4 class=\"wp-block-heading\">7. Forgiveness<\/h4>\n\n\n\n<ul class=\"wp-block-list\">\n<li>It&#8217;s much easier for anger and resentment to fester, than for the disarming act of forgiveness.<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>Holocaust survival and author of&nbsp;<em>The Choice,&nbsp;<\/em>Edith Eger says,<em>To forgive is to grieve\u2014for what happened, for what didn\u2019t happen\u2014and to give up the need for a different past.<\/em><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n\n\n\n<h4 class=\"wp-block-heading\">8. Courage<\/h4>\n\n\n\n<ul class=\"wp-block-list\">\n<li>Paraphrasing C.S. Lewis, courage is a prerequisite for all other virtues to be cultivated.<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>When in doubt, ask yourself, \u201cWhat is the courageous decision to make?\u201d<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n\n\n\n<h4 class=\"wp-block-heading\"><strong>9. Morality<\/strong><\/h4>\n\n\n\n<ul class=\"wp-block-list\">\n<li>Borrowing from the later Rabbi Jonathan Sacks, at its essence, morality is shifting the lens from \u201cI\u201d to \u201cWe,\u201d<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>It is not just what&#8217;s good for an individual, but what is a common good for all.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n\n\n\n<h4 class=\"wp-block-heading\">10. Means vs. Ends<\/h4>\n\n\n\n<ul class=\"wp-block-list\">\n<li>We must be careful not to treat everything as a means to an end. Some of the most important things in life are an end of itself, like friends, family, play.<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>Emmanuel Kant wrote in Fundamental Principles of the Metaphysics of Morals: In the kingdom of ends everything has either&nbsp;<strong>value or dignity<\/strong>. Whatever has a value can be replaced by something else which is equivalent; whatever, on the other hand, is above all value, and therefore admits of no equivalent, has a dignity.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n\n\n\n<h4 class=\"wp-block-heading\"><strong>11. The Creative Process<\/strong><\/h4>\n\n\n\n<ul class=\"wp-block-list\">\n<li>The highest expression of our humanity is creativity. (see also #14.Play and #15.The Art of Improvisation).<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>This is not just relating to \u201ccreative\u201d endeavours, like art or music.<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>Our role and soul requires us to partake in the co-creative process.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n\n\n\n<h4 class=\"wp-block-heading\">12. Mistakes and the Dangers of Perfection<\/h4>\n\n\n\n<ul class=\"wp-block-list\">\n<li>Make new mistakes.<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li><strong><a href=\"https:\/\/darylchow.com\/frontiers\/the-pursuit-of-excellence-is-not-the-pursuit-of-perfection\/\">The Pursuit of Excellence is Not the Pursuit of Perfection<\/a><\/strong><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n\n\n\n<h4 class=\"wp-block-heading\">13. Embracing constraints<\/h4>\n\n\n\n<ul class=\"wp-block-list\">\n<li>Constraints are the high antidote to procrastination.<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>When no constraints are given, make them up for yourself.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n\n\n\n<h4 class=\"wp-block-heading\">14. Play<\/h4>\n\n\n\n<ul class=\"wp-block-list\">\n<li>The highest form or research is me-search.<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>Stuart Brown argued that the lack of play should be treated as serious as malnutrition.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n\n\n\n<h4 class=\"wp-block-heading\">15. Improvisation<\/h4>\n\n\n\n<ul class=\"wp-block-list\">\n<li>The word&nbsp;<em>improvisation<\/em>&nbsp;originates from the Latin &#8216;improvisus&#8217;, meaning &#8216;not seen ahead of time.&#8217;<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>They are many things we do not see ahead of time in an uncertain world.<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>The posture to take then, is to notice, appreciate, embrace, utilise, and willingness to take the step forward\u2026 and believing that you have something to give.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n\n\n\n<h4 class=\"wp-block-heading\">16. Love of Music<\/h4>\n\n\n\n<ul class=\"wp-block-list\">\n<li>Music is the closest thing I know that represents the beyond.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n\n\n\n<h4 class=\"wp-block-heading\">17. Know the Beatles Catalogue<\/h4>\n\n\n\n<ul class=\"wp-block-list\">\n<li>I mean, come-on\u2026 it\u2019s a must.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n\n\n\n<h4 class=\"wp-block-heading\">18. Love of Reading<\/h4>\n\n\n\n<ul class=\"wp-block-list\">\n<li>I have many great mentors in my life. Many of them I have not met before.<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>Thinking is like have a monologue. Reading, on the other hand, is like having a deep dialogue with someone who has thought about a single topic for a long time.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n\n\n\n<h4 class=\"wp-block-heading\"><strong>19. Love of Learning (not Performing)<\/strong><\/h4>\n\n\n\n<ul class=\"wp-block-list\">\n<li>An over-emphasis on performing impedes learning.<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>For more, listen to this&nbsp;<a href=\"https:\/\/darylchow.com\/frontiers\/performinglearning\/\">podcast<\/a>.<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>see also #14. Play<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n\n\n\n<h4 class=\"wp-block-heading\"><strong>20. Conversations<\/strong><\/h4>\n\n\n\n<ul class=\"wp-block-list\">\n<li>Conversations is one of the highest art form that we engage in daily.<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>Doesn\u2019t matter if you are an introvert or an extrovert.<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>A litmus test for a good conversation is when we can hear ourselves clearly.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n\n\n\n<h4 class=\"wp-block-heading\">21. Becoming a Good Ancestor<\/h4>\n\n\n\n<ul class=\"wp-block-list\">\n<li>I hope to be a\u00a0<a href=\"http:\/\/darylchow.com\/fullcircles\/fatherfigure\/\">good ancestor<\/a>, and I want my kids to be a good ancestor to their futurecestors.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n\n\n\n<h4 class=\"wp-block-heading\">22. Tending to Your Gifts<\/h4>\n\n\n\n<ul class=\"wp-block-list\">\n<li>This is the great journey and adventure of our lives, especially at the first half of our lives: To find and cultivate our gifts.<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>Gifts are meant to be given away.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n\n\n\n<h4 class=\"wp-block-heading\"><strong>23. Tending to the Gifts of Others<\/strong><\/h4>\n\n\n\n<ul class=\"wp-block-list\">\n<li>Especially the second half of our lives, we look beyond ourselves and tease out the gifts in others.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n\n\n\n<h4 class=\"wp-block-heading\">24. Community<\/h4>\n\n\n\n<ul class=\"wp-block-list\">\n<li>We are a human being and a human belonging.<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>A community calls us out of our doors.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n\n\n\n<h4 class=\"wp-block-heading\"><strong>25. The Power of Words<\/strong><\/h4>\n\n\n\n<ul class=\"wp-block-list\">\n<li>Words have more potency than we give credit.<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>So engage in the praxis of your words.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n\n\n\n<h4 class=\"wp-block-heading\">26. The Power of Your Voice<\/h4>\n\n\n\n<ul class=\"wp-block-list\">\n<li>Our voice is the one native instrument we have at our disposal.<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>Learn to use it well.<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>Allow yourself to sing. You don\u2019t have to be perfect.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n\n\n\n<h4 class=\"wp-block-heading\">27. Poetry<\/h4>\n\n\n\n<ul class=\"wp-block-list\">\n<li>Poetry is truth told slant<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>Get closer to the truth.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n\n\n\n<h4 class=\"wp-block-heading\"><strong>28. Writing<\/strong><\/h4>\n\n\n\n<ul class=\"wp-block-list\">\n<li>Not write what you know, but write in order to know.<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>Writing is a way of clarifying your thinking.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n\n\n\n<h4 class=\"wp-block-heading\">29. Servant leadership<\/h4>\n\n\n\n<ul class=\"wp-block-list\">\n<li>The world is yearning for good leaders.<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>The Indo-European root of the word \u201cleadership,\u201d you find leith, meaning \u201cto go forth,\u201d \u201cto cross the threshold,\u201d<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n\n\n\n<h4 class=\"wp-block-heading\">30. Empathy<\/h4>\n\n\n\n<ul class=\"wp-block-list\">\n<li>Empathy is not perspective-taking, it\u2019s perspective-getting.<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>Learn to get perspectives beyond your own.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n\n\n\n<h4 class=\"wp-block-heading\"><strong>31. Prayer and Contemplation<\/strong><\/h4>\n\n\n\n<ul class=\"wp-block-list\">\n<li>Pause from the madness of this world.<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>Prayer emerges from the seed of discontent.<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>Turn everything into a prayer.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n\n\n\n<h4 class=\"wp-block-heading\">32. Attempts at Doing God&#8217;s Will<\/h4>\n\n\n\n<ul class=\"wp-block-list\">\n<li>You have a religion that you are born into. That\u2019s meant for your to push back from, and maybe go back to. Either way, it\u2019s a springboard.<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>You are called to bring life to this life (see #22. Tending to You Gifts), and in order to do so, you\u2019d need to learn to listen (see #3. Learning to Listen to Your Own Voice).<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>Thomas Merton says about doing God\u2019s will,<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n\n\n\n<blockquote class=\"wp-block-quote is-layout-flow wp-block-quote-is-layout-flow\">\n<p><em>\u2026I have no idea where I am going. I do not see the road ahead of me. I cannot know for certain where it will end. Nor do I really know myself, and the fact that I think I am following your will does not mean that I am actually doing so. But I believe that the desire to please you does in fact please you.<\/em><\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n<h4 class=\"wp-block-heading\"><strong>33. Paradox<\/strong><\/h4>\n\n\n\n<ul class=\"wp-block-list\">\n<li>Learn to sit with contradictory ideas.<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>\u201cThe words of truth are always paradoxical,\u201d says Lao Tzu<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>For example,<em>The curious paradox is that when I accept myself just as I am, then I can change<\/em>.~ Carl Rogers<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n\n\n\n<h4 class=\"wp-block-heading\">34.&nbsp;<strong>Don\u2019t Jump to Conclusions too Early<\/strong><\/h4>\n\n\n\n<ul class=\"wp-block-list\">\n<li>We are not frogs. Don\u2019t be too quick to leap for a premature answer.<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>And, you are allowed to change your mind.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n\n\n\n<h4 class=\"wp-block-heading\">35. Draw<\/h4>\n\n\n\n<ul class=\"wp-block-list\">\n<li>Why not? It\u2019s fun (see #14. Play).<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>Plus, it helps you communicate.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n\n\n\n<h4 class=\"wp-block-heading\">36. See the math behind the world, and mystery behind the math.<\/h4>\n\n\n\n<ul class=\"wp-block-list\">\n<li>Get under the hood.<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>Go further.<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>Why? You no only have a deeper appreciation, but you\u2019d start to become moved by mystery.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n\n\n\n<h4 class=\"wp-block-heading\">37. Deep Noticing<\/h4>\n\n\n\n<ul class=\"wp-block-list\">\n<li>Deep noticing of the world around you leads to wonderment, which leads to&nbsp;<em>involuntary<\/em>&nbsp;gratitude.<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>See Rob Walker\u2019s book and his Substack,&nbsp;<a href=\"https:\/\/robwalker.substack.com\/\">The Art of Noticing.<\/a><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n\n\n\n<h4 class=\"wp-block-heading\">38. Know Your Roots<\/h4>\n\n\n\n<ul class=\"wp-block-list\">\n<li>I\u2019m trying to do so too.<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>Without those before us, there would be no us.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n\n\n\n<h4 class=\"wp-block-heading\"><strong>39. Struggle is not a Failure<\/strong><\/h4>\n\n\n\n<ul class=\"wp-block-list\">\n<li>Struggle is a sign of crossing a threshold.<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>Just like when you were learning to ride your bike, just hang in there for that little bit more.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n\n\n\n<h4 class=\"wp-block-heading\"><strong>40. Taking Care of Their Inner Life<\/strong><\/h4>\n\n\n\n<ul class=\"wp-block-list\">\n<li>This is hidden to mostly everyone around you, but your inner-life is a life-force for your outer-life.<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>Tend to your inner-life.<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>\u201cL\u2019essentiel est invisible pour les yeux,\u201d or <strong>\u201cWhat is essential is invisible to the eyes.\u201d<\/strong>~ Saint-Exup\u00e9ry,&nbsp;<em>The Little Prince<\/em>.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n\n\n\n<h4 class=\"wp-block-heading\"><strong>41. Graceful Self-Forgetting<\/strong><\/h4>\n\n\n\n<ul class=\"wp-block-list\">\n<li>An over-emphasis of the self is a source of suffering.<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>See\u00a0<em><strong><a href=\"http:\/\/darylchow.com\/fullcircles\/do-not-focus-on-the-self\/\">It&#8217;s Not About You<\/a>,<\/strong>\u00a0<strong><a href=\"http:\/\/darylchow.com\/fullcircles\/point-your-camera-to-the-world\/\">Do Not Focus on The Self<\/a>,\u00a0<a href=\"http:\/\/darylchow.com\/fullcircles\/point-your-camera-to-the-world\/\">Point Your Camera to the World<\/a>,\u00a0<\/strong>and<strong>\u00a0<a href=\"https:\/\/open.substack.com\/pub\/fullcircles\/p\/self-forgetting\">Stumbling Into Self-Forgetting<\/a><\/strong><\/em><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n\n\n\n<h4 class=\"wp-block-heading\">42. The Difference between Competence and Confidence<\/h4>\n\n\n\n<ul class=\"wp-block-list\">\n<li>In the words of the comedian Steve Martin, get so good that they can\u2019t ignore you.<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li><a href=\"https:\/\/darylchow.com\/frontiers\/doubt\/\">Doubt<\/a>&nbsp;is a good servant, and a bad master. Let doubt serve you.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n\n\n\n<h4 class=\"wp-block-heading\">43. Self-Efficacy<\/h4>\n\n\n\n<ul class=\"wp-block-list\">\n<li>Self-efficacy is not self-esteem, it is not self-confidence.<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>Self-efficacy grows via vicarious experiences (i.e., witnessing others do things) and personal mastery (i.e., you doing things).<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>For more, see Scott Young\u2019s essay on this&nbsp;<a href=\"https:\/\/www.scotthyoung.com\/blog\/2023\/10\/10\/self-efficacy\/\">topic<\/a>.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n\n\n\n<h4 class=\"wp-block-heading\">44. Allowing Beauty to Move You.<\/h4>\n\n\n\n<ul class=\"wp-block-list\">\n<li>Our journey consists of&nbsp;<em>moving<\/em>&nbsp;and&nbsp;<em>being moved<\/em>.<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>Let me do my Chinese teacher proud and point out that in Mandarin, &#8220;being moved&#8221;&nbsp;&nbsp;G\u01cen D\u00f2ng&nbsp;[\u611f\u52a8], literally translates&nbsp;\u201cto feel movement.&#8221;<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>Pay attend to the beauty that surrounds you (see #37. Deep Noticing), and allow yourself to be moved.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n\n\n\n<h4 class=\"wp-block-heading\"><strong>45. Love<\/strong><\/h4>\n\n\n\n<ul class=\"wp-block-list\">\n<li>\u2026 The greatest of these is love.<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>The Great lesson of our lifetime is learn how to love. Many things that we try to achieve requires us to be muscular about it, but to love, requires us to&nbsp;<em>soften<\/em>.<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>The Sufi poet, Rumi says,<em><strong> task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it.<\/strong><\/em> And from Fred Rogers, <em><strong>Love and success, always in that order. It\u2019s that simple AND that difficult.<\/strong><\/em><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n\n\n\n<hr class=\"wp-block-separator has-alpha-channel-opacity\"\/>\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\"><strong>Who is this really for?<\/strong><\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p>I want to nurture the nature of my kids, and not go against it. I worry about pushing my agenda on them (with the exception of needing to know the Beatles catalogue).<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>As I complete this list, two things strikes me:<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>First, it\u2019s less about values and more about&nbsp;<strong>virtues<\/strong>\u2014a word that is somewhat deflated in our modern life.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<blockquote class=\"wp-block-quote is-layout-flow wp-block-quote-is-layout-flow\">\n<p>Valuing outcomes like&nbsp;<em>success<\/em>&nbsp;only really make sense when paired with Virtues like&nbsp;<em>integrity<\/em>. Otherwise we get Enron.<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n<p>I\u2019d rather we be virtues-driven than values-driven.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Second, I feel like this is more for me than for my kids. It\u2019s for me to hold these lightly as wishes and not expectations. Perhaps, let this be my prayer. It\u2019s also a reminder for me to co-create conversations with them as they grow, as&nbsp;<em>we<\/em>&nbsp;grow.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Many of these lessons are eternal teachings and learnings. But let&#8217;s not forget,<\/p>\n\n\n\n<blockquote class=\"wp-block-quote is-layout-flow wp-block-quote-is-layout-flow\">\n<p><strong>&#8220;You haven&#8217;t taught if until they have learned.\u201d<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>~ John Wooden.<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[2,3],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-1439","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-psychological","category-reflections","post-preview"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/darylchow.com\/fullcircles\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1439","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/darylchow.com\/fullcircles\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/darylchow.com\/fullcircles\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/darylchow.com\/fullcircles\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/darylchow.com\/fullcircles\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=1439"}],"version-history":[{"count":6,"href":"https:\/\/darylchow.com\/fullcircles\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1439\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":1494,"href":"https:\/\/darylchow.com\/fullcircles\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1439\/revisions\/1494"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/darylchow.com\/fullcircles\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=1439"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/darylchow.com\/fullcircles\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=1439"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/darylchow.com\/fullcircles\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=1439"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}