{"id":5141,"date":"2023-02-03T01:02:00","date_gmt":"2023-02-02T17:02:00","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/darylchow.com\/frontiers\/?p=5141"},"modified":"2024-05-02T20:02:55","modified_gmt":"2024-05-02T12:02:55","slug":"humour","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/darylchow.com\/frontiers\/humour\/","title":{"rendered":"Humour Series"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

Note: This is a compilation of Frontier Friday<\/a><\/strong>, a weekly Substack published, originally released on 3 Feb. 202<\/em>3<\/p>\n\n\n\n

PART I<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

Why So Serious About Humour?<\/h3>\n\n\n
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THIS IS NOT ABOUT BEING FUNNY.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Why cover this topic on humour? After all, you don\u2019t need me to tell you that having a sense of humour is good for you (and your clients). But there is something to be said that levity allows us to treat ourselves more lightly and in turn, we become more flexible and creative.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Sometimes, our want to be more \u201cprofessional,\u201d be more so-called \u201ccompetent,\u201d and appear more confident makes us treat ourselves way too seriously. As a result, we become more detached from the human dignity of vulnerable connection in the therapy room.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The apologetic writer Peter Kreeft noted that humour is a source of humility, which comes from the word \u201chumus.\u201d (i.e., dirt). To laugh easily, means to allow ourselves to be involuntarily moved <\/em>by what someone else said, and to have the humility to realise our own foolishness.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Humility, is not to think less of yourself, but to not think of yourself at all!<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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My kid saw this whilst I was writing and laughed, \u201cJust like me in the showers!\u201d

This really hit home from me when I was examining my outcomes over the years (see this post<\/a>, Solving for Patterns<\/a>). Out of the five patterns, one of them I discovered regarding my poor outcome cases was that I had been too uptight, less playful and more rigidified than my usual self.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

In this week and the next few, I will be providing some recommendations that have helped jolt me out of my egotistical need to be \u201cmore professional,\u201d and swing me back to the ground. Humus.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If this is not about \u201cbeing funny,\u201d then what? It is about being about to have fun<\/strong>. It\u2019s about having a lightness of being. Levity. <\/strong>Yes, even in the depths of suffering and tragedy. Just look at Dalai Lama.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Humour, the spiritual connective tissue.
<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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  1. \ud83d\udcd5 \ud83d\ude4aRead: Humor, Seriously<\/a>
    <\/strong>I must admit, before reading this book, I didn\u2019t have the word \u201clevity\u201d in my vocabulary.
    In a bizarre closing section of the book, called the (After)words, the two authors conducted an interview with the renown writer Michael Lewis. It encapsulated this book well:

    Micheal: \u201c\u2026So one of the ways I check to make sure that I\u2019m living life the way I should is: if I notice long stretches without humor of any sort, I know something\u2019s wrong. It\u2019s like you\u2019re in the woods, and you have the sudden sense you\u2019re about to get eaten. You just know something feels wrong. And so I\u2019ll intentionally stop and notice it and disrupt whatever is happening.\u201d

    Lewis goes on to say that humour is

    \u201c\u2026like salt on airplane food\u2014it makes everything better.\u201d\u201cI think most of the people who pick up this book are going to be people who think to themselves, \u201cI need to be funny.\u201d But they\u2019re going to find out that that\u2019s not what they need. What they need is to introduce a totally different spirit into their lives.\u201d

    It\u2019s a worth-read.

    <\/li>\n\n\n\n
  2. \ud83d\udcfd Watch: Neal Brennan: Blocks<\/a><\/strong>
    This 2022 Netflix special is a class-act.
    I didn\u2019t know about Neal Brennan\u2019s history with Dave Chappelle\u2019s show. Watching a standup act like this, reminds me of the potency of laughing at your own pain-points.
    Brennan has a way of touching on the emotional and relational turmoils about how he feels something\u2019s wrong with him. As a true comedian, he tackles the \u201ctaboo\u201d subjects in a hilarious and intelligent way.
    (This show got me digging further about Neal Brennan. Check out his     interview<\/a><\/strong> with Scott Barry Kaufman. I am a fan of Kaufman\u2019s work, but as a listener, this episode felt somewhat awkward at times, especially when Kaufman was trying to \u201cdiagnose\u201d Brennan. Yet, it somewhat was a good interview).
    <\/li>\n<\/ol>\n\n\n\n
      \n
    1. \ud83d\udcfd Watch: 12 truths I learned from living and writing by Anne Lamott<\/a><\/strong>Author of Bird by Bird, Anne Lamott is strikingly humorous in her list of 12 things. Here\u2019s her number two:\u201cAlmost everything will work again if you unplug it for a few minutes\u2026 including you.\u201d

      \"\"<\/a>

      <\/li>\n\n\n\n
    2. \ud83e\udd2a No Watch Joke<\/strong>
      Taken from Rabbi Jonathan Sacks book, Morality<\/strong>, in the chapter Time and Consequence:

      An old Jewish man and a young Jewish man are travelling on the train. The young man asks: ‘Excuse me, what time is it?<\/em>
      The old man says nothing.<\/em>
      ‘Excuse me, sir, what time is it?<\/em>
      Again, the old man stays silent.<\/em>
      ‘Sir, I’m asking you what time is it. Why don’t you answer?<\/em>
      The old man says: ‘Young man, the next stop is the last on this route. I don’t know you, so you must be a stranger. If I answer you now, there will be a relationship between us. I will have to invite you to my home. You are handsome, and I have a beautiful daughter.
      You will both fall in love and you will want to get married. So tell me, why would I want a son-in-law who can’t even afford a watch?’<\/em>

      <\/li>\n\n\n\n
    3. \u23f8 Words Worth Contemplating:<\/strong>
      \u201cAngels can fly because they take themselves so lightly.\u201d<\/strong>
      ~ G.K. Chesterton (1874-1936)
      <\/li>\n<\/ol>\n\n\n\n

      Reflection:<\/strong><\/h3>\n\n\n\n

      Breath in<\/strong> the sufferings that you witness\u2026<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

      Breath out<\/strong> the joy and compassion you wish to give…<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

      Repeat<\/strong> with each person that you meet.<\/em>
      <\/p>\n\n\n\n

      <\/p>\n\n\n\n

      PART II<\/h2>\n\n\n\n
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      1. \ud83d\udcd5 \ud83d\ude4aRead: Ha!
        <\/strong>Humour and religious views are not at odds with each other. Apologetic writer Peter Kreeft provides a doorway for all of us to learn to laugh, especially at ourselves.
        Kreeft points out the etymology of the word \u201cHumble,\u201d which relates to \u201chumus.\u201d or earth. It is linked to the word \u201chumor.\u201d

        \u201c\u2026Humility is usually misunderstood. It\u2019s not a low opinion of yourself; it\u2019s no opinion of yourself.

        \u2026Sometimes proud people talk about how bad they are, and that\u2019s a form of pride too, a dangerous one because it\u2019s camouflaged.
        Jokes are both causes and effects of humility. They both foster and express humility. How? By their surprise. The secret of most jokes is the timing, the sudden \u201caha!\u201d moment.

        Key Grafs:
        – A good joke turns us into Shakers. It makes us shake with laughter. It\u2019s like a mental orgasm. It is a mental orgasm<\/strong>.
        – Telling a good joke makes someone laugh, and making someone laugh is an act of charity. Therefore being a good comedian is a high and holy calling.
        – We can even perform this act of charity toward God. How can you make God laugh? Just tell Him your plans.
        – As Michael O\u2019Brien says, \u201chumor is the delight of suddenly expanded perspective. Humor is the transformation of linear vision into the multidimensional. Humor is not logical, Nor is it anti-logical. It is meta-logical.\u201d
        – Or one might say that humor is logical and shows us that we are not. But it is best to say that humor is neither logical nor illogical (i.e., less than logical) but trans-logical (more than logical). It is like love that way, and beauty, and music, and mysticism

        Anytime I recommend a book vaguely linked to religious views, a part of me worries that it might get misconstrued. This is not a book about religion. If anything, it\u2019s a book about how we live, how we relate, and the daily practice of lightening up.

        <\/li>\n\n\n\n
      2. \ud83d\udcfd Watch: Documentary, Jerry Seinfeld Comedian<\/a>
        <\/strong>
        Nearly everyone knows Seinfeld. I am recommending this particular documentary because it dispels the myths shrouded around being a top comedian\u2014or any top performer\u2014and the hard work involved in creating the act.

        Having retired his old stand-up comedy act, the sitcom Seinfeld and his 1998 HBO special, this show documents the process of him developing an entirely new act.
        This segment around the 49-min mark left a deep impression on me:

        You know, when I was starting out I used to sit down and write a couple times a week. And then one day I was watching these construction workers go back to work\u2026 and I was watching them kind of trudging down the street. And I was\u2026like.. er\u2026 it was like a revelation to me, and I realised\u2026These guys don’t want to go back to work after lunch, but they’re going.<\/em> \u2018Cause this is their job.<\/em>
        And I think if they can exhibit that level of dedication for that job, <\/strong>I should be able to do the same. Just trudge your ass in.<\/strong><\/em>

        This is particular documentary is relevant when we think about how we learn. When therapists attempt to learn from \u201cmaster\u201d therapists, oftentimes we see the result, the output, but not the input<\/strong>. We need more examples of not just how people perform, but how they learn<\/em>.

        <\/li>\n<\/ol>\n\n\n\n
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        1. Read: Is This Anything?<\/a>
          <\/strong>Some time ago, I was really taken by Seinfeld\u2019s idea of a creating a           daily streak<\/a><\/strong>.
          But what <\/em>exactly should I be have for my \u201cstreak\u201d? It can\u2019t be too many\u2026 Chase two rabbits, and you catch none.
          After some deliberation, I decided that since I was a rather haphazard thinker, and that I also clarify my thinking when I put them down, I decided that I am go making writing a habit. Not binge-write, but write down my ideas, my learnings, my blunders, etc. on a fairly consistent basis<\/strong> (e.g., see           Parameters and Samples for Capturing Weekly Therapy Learnings<\/a>).

          <\/strong>However, <\/strong>I had other things to juggle, like, mouths to feed. Like so many of us these days, there isn\u2019t just \u201cone thing\u201d on my plate. And I wasn\u2019t exactly aiming to be a full-time writer. I just wanted to learn better, so that I can be better as a person and as a professional.

          Then I stumbled upon an app, called           Beeminder<\/a>. I talked about this in FF02<\/a>. In short, it\u2019s a free app that \u201cstings me\u201d with losing a couple of bucks, if I fall of the rail.
          As opposed to paying for something, nothing stings more than losing money (i.e., loss adversion).
          I\u2019m kinda embarrassed to say this, but since Aug 2019, I\u2019ve begrudgingly lost some money          1<\/sup><\/a>:

          \"\"

          <\/a>Remember, I lost money to Beeminder because I didn\u2019t keep up with my intentions of writing consistently. The app was \u201cfree.\u201d How perverse.

          My first thought looking at these figures\u2014for the first time actually\u2014is, \u201cwhat a perverse incentive!\u201d But is the $41 (USD, if I may add), spent\/lost worth it? My answer is a \u201ctentative yes. \u201cTentative\u201d because, I really don\u2019t want to give Beeminder anymore money. And \u201cyes\u201d because, it is entirely aligned with my intentions.

          Reading Seinfeld\u2019s cumulation of jokes across 25 years, his book           Is This Anything<\/a> isn\u2019t really as funny as watching him live on stage, of course. But, it really hit home from me, what it really means to be devoted to your craft.

          One line, one idea, one day at a time.

          \"\"


          <\/a>As far as I\u2019ve read, Seinfeld has been writing jokes by hand on yellow foolscap paper every single day since 1975. To put that in perspective, that\u2019s more than 15 thousand days of writing and millions of words.


          \"\"

          <\/a><\/li>\n\n\n\n
        2. \ud83c\udfa7 Listen: Interview with Jerry Seinfeld by Tim Ferriss<\/a><\/strong>
          I\u2019ve recommended this before in           FF20<\/a>.

          After learning more about Seinfeld, this particular long-form podcast interview with the legend was such a treat. In particular, it was humbling to learn more about his systems and routines.

          Key grafs:
          – When writing, treat yourself like a baby. When editing, be a hard-ass.
          – Pain is knowledge rushing in to fill a void.

          <\/li>\n\n\n\n
        3. \u23f8 Words Worth Contemplating:<\/strong>
          \u201cComedian\u201d is a high and holy calling because comedians make people happy. Good comedians love three things: laughter and happiness and people.<\/strong>
          ~ Peter Kreeft.
          <\/li>\n<\/ol>\n\n\n\n

          Reflection:<\/strong><\/h3>\n\n\n\n

          Humility\u2026 Humus\u2026Humour.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

          A graceful self-forgetting.<\/em>
          <\/p>\n\n\n\n

          <\/p>\n\n\n\n

          PART III<\/h2>\n\n\n
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          Why watch comedians?<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n