{"id":3987,"date":"2020-10-02T15:00:05","date_gmt":"2020-10-02T07:00:05","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/darylchow.com\/frontiers\/?p=3987"},"modified":"2020-10-02T15:00:07","modified_gmt":"2020-10-02T07:00:07","slug":"notaboutyou","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/darylchow.com\/frontiers\/notaboutyou\/","title":{"rendered":"It’s Not About You."},"content":{"rendered":"\n

One common advice that is often given to someone preparing for a speech is to rehearse in front of a mirror. This is one of those common wisdom that is not helpful.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

What happens when you look into the mirror? You start to focus on yourself.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When you are practicing for a speech, you need to focus less about yourself, and more on what others are getting. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

It’s not about you. It’s about the audience.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/div>\n\n\n\n

The Self-Absorbed Therapist<\/h3>\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n

One time, I was so concerned about what I was saying wrongly to a client as he was beginning to pull away for the conversation. I kept pursuing with great curiosity if I said something wrong or my comments didn’t sit well with him.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

He kept quiet. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

And then he shook his head.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I couldn’t make any sense of this.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Until I hazard another guess\u2026<\/p>\n\n\n\n

“Or are you upset at yourself for not being able to handle this situation better than you would like to?”<\/p>\n\n\n\n

He nodded.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

“Is the self-chastising side playing up here?”<\/p>\n\n\n\n

“Yes,” he replied. He began to tear up.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

In the name of improvement, here I was so self-obsessed with “me, me, me,” when the situation calls for me to look outside of myself.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\n\n\n\n

Embrace the Paradox<\/h3>\n\n\n\n

As we work hard to improve at our craft, we are confronted with a paradox. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

What we say, how we say it, the use of vocal quality to communicate specific affect, all matters\u2026 But it’s not about you.<\/strong> <\/p>\n\n\n\n

There is almost always something you can work on\u2026and it’s not about you. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Cast your eyes outward. Empathy needs more outrospection, not introspection.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Thanks to\u00a0Noah Buscher<\/a>\u00a0for the image.<\/em><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

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