{"id":3572,"date":"2020-03-23T15:44:36","date_gmt":"2020-03-23T07:44:36","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/darylchow.com\/frontiers\/?p=3572"},"modified":"2024-01-12T22:57:22","modified_gmt":"2024-01-12T14:57:22","slug":"personal-learnings-part2","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/darylchow.com\/frontiers\/personal-learnings-part2\/","title":{"rendered":"Personal Learnings: Looking Back at 2019 in Order to Move Forward (Part II of II)"},"content":{"rendered":"\r\n

(Update 20 March 2020: Like other countries, Australia has now instituted a travel ban. COVID-19 has impacted so many families directly and indirectly. My thoughts and prayers go out to you).<\/em><\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n

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In the previous post, I talked about my resume of mistakes in 2019<\/a>. Boy oh boy, what a humbling experience. More importantly, I\u2019m really\u00a0glad I\u2019ve systematically capture errors, blunders and mistakes. This not only serves as a personal reminder, but it keeps me honest and on-track as I proceed each year in my endeavors. By intentionally looking back at them, it helps me to move forward with greater clarity.\u00a0<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

(Turns out that the act of \u201cRetrieval practice<\/strong>\u201d has got more leverage in learning that constantly consuming a stream of information, or even simply “revising” old materials . This is one of the tenets we touch on the web-based workshop, Deep Learner<\/strong>. For more, click here<\/a> ).<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

Guided by my mistakes and other learnings that i\u2019ve stumbled upon through 2019, I\u2019ve grafted 8 learnings<\/strong> that I\u2019m taking with me in 2020 (and through the global pandemic).

I hope you find them useful\u00a0as well.<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n

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Download HIW Template<\/span><\/a>
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1. A Creative Life Needs a Monastic Life<\/h3>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

One thing that became clear to me as I looked back at my 2019 Highlights in Weeks is that I need to have a structure that facilitates focused concentration. In many ways, I view what I do in therapy, teaching, writing, music, and even parenting, as a creative act. Contrary to the conventional notion that creativity needs to be messy and unstructured, I find myself needing to have a \u201cmonk-like\u201d structure, in order\u00a0to delve into the messy nature of what I do.<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

Revisiting what I wrote on When Someone Says \u201cI Lack Discipline\u2026\u201d<\/a>, helped to jolt my memory. (My present self is grateful for my past self, which sounds smarter than I am).<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

So this year, I\u2019m beginning to be more careful with my weekly routines (each weekday of the week, I wear different hats, such as Writer, Visioner, Manager, Teacher\/Consultant, Practitioner), especially how I start my days. Lately, I’m also implementing a reflection about how I end each day (“How did I do today?”). I’d share this in 2021’s version of Highlights in Weeks.<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

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2. The Pay-Off of Writing Daily Stories<\/h3>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

I have been capturing my own\u00a0weekly learnings in clinical practice for some years now. Last year, I also began to capture \u201cDaily Stories,\u201d that is, stuff that happens that I want my future self to remember.\u00a0<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

So far, I ended up with 145 daily stories. Far cry from it being \u201cdaily,\u201d but even now when I read these entries, I am so glad I did.<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

As it turns out, these daily stories that I\u2019ve captured are mostly about my kids.<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

Here\u2019s 2 samples of my “daily stories”:<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

125. \u201cWhere are we?\u201d<\/strong>\u00a0
<\/em>
16nov19
Driving in subiaco after home base building, going for dinner. In the car, <\/em>

Amelia asked \u201cWhere are we?\u201d
<\/em>
Her 2 yr old sister says, \u201cHere.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

90. \u201cMama, tell me the truth, did Papa\u2019s plane\u00a0<\/strong><\/em>\u2708\ufe0f crash into the <\/strong>
ocean<\/strong> \ud83c\udf0a\u00a0?”<\/strong>\u00a0
<\/em>
8th of june 19
(Relayed to me by my wife)
<\/em>
My flight from Sydney to Perth got delayed die to fog\u00a0. wife and kids <\/em>
coming to pick me up. delayed further. Amelia asked Liqin\u00a0, \u201cMama, tell <\/em>
me the truth, did Papa\u2019s plane\u00a0\u00a0crash into the ocean\u00a0\u00a0?\u201d<\/em><\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

All we have are stories. I hope that these stories will linger in our retelling years later. (Hat tip to Matthew Dicks for his idea of capturing daily stories. He called it \u201cHomework for Life.\u201d He\u2019s also a teacher).<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

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3. Creating and Taking in Beauty<\/h3>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

I had two realisations.<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

The first was, based on a question, “what do I want to create?”<\/strong>[1]<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

I realised that if I keep climbing the ladder of abstraction, what I want to create is beauty<\/strong> in my life. [2]<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

Beautiful experiences for others, be it in therapy, teaching, or art.<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

This came full circle for me when I stumbled on an old piece of writing I did on April 22, 2005 titled, A Piece of Heaven. (Again, my past self is sound smarter than I am).<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

My second realization was, in order for to \u201ccreate beauty\u201d, I need to be observant and learn to see<\/em> beauty.\u00a0<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

In order to do that, try as I will, I can\u2019t go at the speed of light, but instead,\u00a0I had to travel at the speed of light<\/a>. We see things differently when we slow down. I\u2019m now trying to walk and cycle more.<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

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4. Snake Chart: Existing in the Arrow of Time<\/h3>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

In my 2018 version of Highlights in Weeks<\/a>, I talked about needing to work on stuff in Series vs Parallel (See point #9<\/a>). In gist, this literally means that I should work on only 1 key project at a time, instead of straddling 4-5 various projects at a time.\u00a0<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

At the end of 2019, I took this idea one step further and designed what I call a \u201cSnake Chart<\/strong>\u201d in my home office. Basically, imagine a huge A1 sized snake and ladder, which only 12 steps, each step representing one month. And in each month, I\u2019m only allowed to work on ONE key project. Since each project is written on post-it notes, it\u2019s adaptable.\u00a0<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

But the cool thing is that it\u2019s VISIBLE. When it\u2019s visible, it\u2019s inescapable from my attentional field. This orients me to not only way I\u2019m going, but where I\u2019ve been and where I am\u00a0currently. Quiet literally, it gives me bearings.\u00a0<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

(For more about the image of making valuable stuff visible, check out this Frontiers Radio podcast on The Dyson Vacuum Cleaner<\/a>).<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

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5. Draw in Order\u00a0to Think Clearly<\/h3>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

In 2018, I realised how writing became so integrate for me. Writing was not a way to write what I know, but it\u2019s more of like \u201cwriting in order\u00a0to know.\u201d<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

In mid 2019, I began to doodle in sketch noting. I learned as much as I could, especially for professional sketchnotes like Dan Roam and Doug Neil.<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

And then I discovered that from a neurological perspective, we have what we call a dual coding pathway. We encode information phonologically and visually; both pathways DO NOT interfere with each other. Instead, when we optimise using dual coding, we learn deeper and better!\u00a0<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

On the flip side, this is why when someone is presenting at a workshop while showing a slide with too many words, we switch off listening to the person and read the text on the slide deck. But, if you optimise using the dual coding principle, you would talk, and show slides with less to no words, and more images.\u00a0<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

Given this, I often find myself wondering \u201chow to use words that create images in a person\u2019s mind\u201d and \u201chow to use images that bring meaning words in a person\u2019s mind.\u201d<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

I have since began taking the courage to doodle, sketch and symbolise stuff in sessions with my clients. It\u2019s amazing how clients remember the visuals, and not my so-called wicked wise words!\u00a0<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

See my attempts at live sketchnoting in this video on Reimagining Education in Psychotherapy<\/a>. It\u2019s nowhere near as professional as I would like, but it\u2019s a start.<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

Dual coding has huge implications when you are learning something new. I talk about this in the Deep Learner<\/a> <\/strong>web-based workshop.<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

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Click here for more info on the web-based workshop, Deep Learner<\/strong>.<\/figcaption>\r\n<\/figure>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n
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6. Morning Meditation<\/h3>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

This relates to point #1.<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

I struggled to get on a morning routine, besides trying to rush my older child for school.\u00a0<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

I stumbled upon an anchor in a form of meditative prayer that I start my day with, simply by asking myself,<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

\u201cWho am I becoming?\u201d\u00a0

\u201cWhat does God asks of me today<\/strong>?\u201d<\/em><\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

For some reason, this grounds me.<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

Perhaps from a secular perspective, it\u2019s useful to ask what Viktor Frankl says, \u201cWhat does life<\/em> asks of me?\u201d We simply\u00a0need to drill it down to \u201cWhat does life asks out of me today<\/em>?\u201d<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

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#7. Struggle is a Teacher <\/strong><\/h3>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

Deep work time keeps getting affected. There were so many times in 2019 that I got so pissed with myself. One of the main reasons was that I couldn\u2019t delve deeply into stuff that I was working on, be it a book project, developing the Deep Learner course, deliberate practice efforts, etc.

All of this was going on while trying to stay engaged as a family man.\u00a0

Things got so bad that in the first week of Nov, for the first time in my life, I developed strange body aches and joint pains. I knew it wasn\u2019t an early onset of geriatric experience. My body was speaking\u2014no, screaming\u2014for me to take heed.\u00a0 It was around Nov-Dec that I started to seriously consider the notion of re-developing better daily rhythm and recovery. [See previous post, Part I: Personal Mistakes<\/a>.) No mind over body stuff. I believe the mind is there to take care of the body<\/a>. Thankfully, I’m a lot better now.<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

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8. My Measure of Success<\/h3>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

My final point is about the big picture. Some time in Dec 2019, I was revisiting a book written by Clayton Christensen, who incidentally passed away January this year. The book was called How Will You Measure Your Life<\/a><\/strong>.<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

What am I doing with my life? I\u2019d have probably only have another 40 or so\u00a0more of these Highlights in Weeks to fill out\u2026\u00a0<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

As I pondered on this, my measure of success is based on:
how much my wife and kids love and respect me.<\/strong><\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

\u00a0It sounds cliche, but some cliches are true most of the time.\u00a0<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

This keeps me honest and not lose track. I\u2019m a self-employed, single income earner in the family, and this puts sort of a weigh on me, but I need to continually re-member and pay close attention to my metric of success, of what a fruitful life would be. I don\u2019t want to be someone who is highly successful as a therapist and teacher, but a grouchy monster in the eyes of my wife and kids. I rarely worry so much of what others think of me, but these 3 people are some of the very few people that their opinions are like beacons. Looking through their eyes offer a glimpse of getting over myself.\u00a0<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

Perhaps it\u2019s less about success and more about fruitfulness.<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

I want to travel lightly<\/a>.<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n

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There you go. My eight extractions of learnings from all the blunders, bloopers and highlights from looking back at 2019.<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

What were your key learnings from 2019, pre-COVID-19 era? Love to hear from you in the comments below.
(If you are posting for the first time, it might not appear in the comments immediately. I will read them and approve them, unless it\u2019s a spam!).<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

If you are interested in using the Highlights in Weeks (HIW)<\/strong> template and use it for your own reflection, you can download it here. Print this out on at least an A2 sized so that\u00a0you can write in it. In Australia, I printed it at Officeworks and it costs about #2.<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n

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Download HIW Template<\/span><\/a><\/center>
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Footnotes:<\/strong><\/p>\r\n

[1] inspired by Robert Fritz writings in The Perth Of Least Resistance.
[2] The word beauty started to open up my perspective after reading John O\u2019 Donahue\u2019s book, Beauty.\u00a0

Photo by\u00a0Edi Libedinsky<\/a><\/em><\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

 <\/p>\r\n<\/center><\/center><\/center><\/center>","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

(Update 20 March 2020: Like other countries, Australia has now instituted a travel ban. COVID-19 has impacted so many families directly and indirectly. My thoughts and prayers go out to you). In the previous...<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":3586,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[113],"tags":[166,101,44,45],"class_list":["post-3572","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-learning","tag-deep-learner","tag-personal-development","tag-productivity","tag-professional-development"],"yoast_head":"\nPersonal Learnings: Looking Back at 2019 in Order to Move Forward (Part II of II) - Frontiers of Psychotherapist Development<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"In the previous post, I talked about my resume of mistakes in 2019. Boy oh boy, what a humbling experience. 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I hope you find them useful as well.","robots":{"index":"index","follow":"follow","max-snippet":"max-snippet:-1","max-image-preview":"max-image-preview:large","max-video-preview":"max-video-preview:-1"},"canonical":"https:\/\/darylchow.com\/frontiers\/personal-learnings-part2\/","og_locale":"en_US","og_type":"article","og_title":"Personal Learnings: Looking Back at 2019 in Order to Move Forward (Part II of II) - Frontiers of Psychotherapist Development","og_description":"In the previous post, I talked about my resume of mistakes in 2019. Boy oh boy, what a humbling experience. More importantly, I\u2019m really glad I\u2019ve systematically capture errors, blunders and mistakes. This not only serves as a personal reminder, but it keeps me honest and on-track as I proceed each year in my endeavors. By intentionally looking back at them, it helps me to move forward with greater clarity. 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