{"id":1333,"date":"2017-09-06T15:00:07","date_gmt":"2017-09-06T07:00:07","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/darylchow.com\/Daryl_Chow\/Blog\/wordpress\/?p=1333"},"modified":"2018-11-13T16:19:47","modified_gmt":"2018-11-13T08:19:47","slug":"terrible-gifts-in-therapy","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/darylchow.com\/frontiers\/terrible-gifts-in-therapy\/","title":{"rendered":"Terrible Gifts in Therapy"},"content":{"rendered":"

This is not some Catholic self-flagellating, guilt inducing exercise. Rather, if we see with fresh eyes, every moment of difficulty that we\u00a0face in a session with you client, presents a gift to you.<\/span><\/p>\n

These moments are terrible gifts<\/a><\/span>, if we\u00a0open yourself to deep learning\u2014this sense of moving aside the\u00a0Ego, and leaning forward towards healing for your client, and for you.<\/span><\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

\"Terrible<\/p>\n

“Pray for one humiliation a day,” says Franciscan Friar Richard Rohr. “And watch your inner reaction to it.”<\/em> [1]<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

It is terrible because we\u00a0will feel uncomfortable. The\u00a0Ego will be bruised, our\u00a0sense of self will be shaken.<\/span><\/p>\n

But it is a gift because it has the powerful potential to help us\u00a0move out of our\u00a0comfort zone and into our\u00a0learning zone.[2]<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\n

Every difficult moment in therapy is a gift, only if you open yourself to this moment.<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n

 <\/p>\n

But these difficult moments depend entirely on our\u00a0response. If we\u00a0reacted from the\u00a0Ego, a\u00a0difficult moment is a curse. If we\u00a0responded humanely to our\u00a0client and to ourselves, a\u00a0difficult moment will bless you.<\/span><\/p>\n

After all, some burdens are a blessing, and some blessings are a burden.<\/span><\/p>\n

The next time you are faced with a difficult moment in therapy, do not ask, “Why is this horrible situation happening to me?” Instead, go deeper and ask yourself, “What is this difficult moment teaching me?”<\/span><\/p>\n

Then do the following:<\/span><\/p>\n

1. Slow<\/strong>: Make haste slowly; slow down your speech (your heart will follow);<\/span><\/p>\n

2. Ego<\/strong>: Move the ego aside;<\/span><\/p>\n

3. Lean in<\/strong>: Move towards your client. And stay right there with the other.<\/span><\/p>\n

That’s how we grow.<\/span><\/p>\n

p\/s:\u00a0I love to hear in the comments below what sorts of challenges you face in your clinical practice.<\/span><\/p>\n

Best regards,<\/em><\/p>\n

Daryl<\/em><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

~~~<\/span><\/p>\n

Footnotes:<\/strong><\/span>
\n[1] Listen to the podcast On Being: Krista Tippett interviews Fr Richard Rohr <\/a><\/span>. Here’s the segment about “one good humiliation a day.”<\/span><\/p>\n

MS. TIPPETT: [laughs] \u201cI have prayed for years for one good humiliation a day, and then I must watch my reaction to it,\u201d which sounds so uncomfortable. There\u2019s nothing in me that wants to pray for one good humiliation a day.<\/em><\/span><\/p>\n

FR. ROHR: No, and there isn\u2019t in me either. I just said that to that group of millennials two weeks ago. Some years ago, I started recognizing that I was getting an awful lot of adulation and praise and some people treating me far more importantly than I deserved. And I realized I was growing used to it, that the ego just loves all of this admiration and projection. And a lot of it was projection. And I didn\u2019t want fame and well-knownness and guru status to totally destroy me, and so for me, this became a necessity, that I had to watch how do I react to not getting my way, to people not agreeing with me, to people not admiring me \u2014 and there\u2019s plenty of them \u2014 and that I actually needed that. And so I do, I still, I ask God for one good humiliation a day, and I usually get it, one hate letter or whatever it might be. [laughs]\u00a0<\/em><\/span>And then what I have to do, Krista, is I have to watch my reaction to it. And I\u2019ve got to be honest with you, my inner reaction \u2014 I\u2019m not proud to tell you \u2014 is defensive, is, \u201cThat\u2019s not true. You don\u2019t understand me.\u201d I can just see how well-defended my ego is. And of course, even your critics \u2014 and I have plenty of them \u2014 at least 10 to 20 percent of what they\u2019re saying is usually true.<\/em><\/span>
\n [2] Chow, D. (2017). The practice and the practical: Pushing your clinical performance to the next level. Prescott, David S [Ed]; Maeschalck, Cynthia L [Ed]; Miller, Scott D [Ed] (2017) Feedback-informed treatment in clinical practice: Reaching for excellence (pp 323-355) x, 368 pp Washington, DC, US: American Psychological Association; US, 323-355.<\/em><\/span><\/p>\n

Photo by\u00a0Ben White<\/a><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

This is not some Catholic self-flagellating, guilt inducing exercise. Rather, if we see with fresh eyes, every moment of difficulty that we\u00a0face in a session with you client, presents a gift to you. 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