{"id":1086,"date":"2016-10-20T09:00:51","date_gmt":"2016-10-20T01:00:51","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/darylchow.com\/Daryl_Chow\/Blog\/wordpress\/?p=1086"},"modified":"2022-12-22T10:56:47","modified_gmt":"2022-12-22T02:56:47","slug":"why-we-all-need-this-one-person-to-get-better","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/darylchow.com\/frontiers\/why-we-all-need-this-one-person-to-get-better\/","title":{"rendered":"Why We Need This One Person For Us To Get Better"},"content":{"rendered":"<p style=\"font-size: 14px; color: #000000;\"><span style=\"font-size: 12pt; font-family: Helvetica;\">When this guy was in the room, I played better.<\/span><\/p>\n<p style=\"font-size: 14px; color: #000000;\"><span style=\"font-size: 12pt; font-family: Helvetica;\">We first met Randolf Arriola when I was\u00a0 about 17 years old. My bandmates and I saved up enough money to go into a recording studio (recall that this was in the late 1990\u2019s when home recording equipment was not yet readily available) to attempt to demo some of our songs. Back then, Randolf was working as an assistant sound engineer with Freddy, who owns this suave\u00a0 studio*. Frankly, we weren&#8217;t so sure we could afford recording there.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><!--more--><\/p>\n<p style=\"text-align: center; font-size: 14px; color: #000000;\"><img fetchpriority=\"high\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"aligncenter wp-image-1091\" src=\"http:\/\/darylchow.com\/frontiers\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/10\/Miles-Davis-300x168.jpg\" alt=\"miles-davis\" width=\"370\" height=\"207\" srcset=\"https:\/\/darylchow.com\/frontiers\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/10\/Miles-Davis-300x168.jpg 300w, https:\/\/darylchow.com\/frontiers\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/10\/Miles-Davis-600x337.jpg 600w, https:\/\/darylchow.com\/frontiers\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/10\/Miles-Davis-768x431.jpg 768w, https:\/\/darylchow.com\/frontiers\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/10\/Miles-Davis.jpg 782w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 370px) 100vw, 370px\" \/><\/p>\n<blockquote>\n<p style=\"text-align: center; font-size: 14px; color: #000000;\"><span style=\"font-size: 18pt; font-family: 'Times New Roman', Times;\"><strong style=\"color: #000000;\"><i style=\"color: #000000;\">I play what we can play, not me. I never play what I can play. I&#8217;m always playing way over and above what I can play.&#8221; <\/i><\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n<p style=\"text-align: center; font-size: 14px; color: #000000;\"><span style=\"font-size: 18pt; font-family: 'Times New Roman', Times;\"><strong style=\"color: #000000;\"><i style=\"color: #000000;\">~ Miles Davis<\/i><\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n<p style=\"font-size: 14px; color: #000000;\"><span style=\"font-size: 12pt; font-family: Helvetica;\">Fast forward a few weeks, we abandoned recording at Freddy\u2019s studio. In gist, he made us sound horrible. He said with some confidence, \u201cI can make you sound like Collective Soul.\u201d \u00a0We said, \u201cWhat?\u201d\u00a0 We collectively didn\u2019t want to sound like them. It was not what we had in mind. We were smothered by\u00a0bands like the Verve, Radiohead, Led Zeppelin, Jimi Hendrix, etc. Not Collective Soul.<\/span><\/p>\n<p style=\"font-size: 14px; color: #000000;\"><span style=\"font-size: 12pt; font-family: Helvetica;\">Instead, we bailed out of the formal recording studio and we ended up at Randolf\u2019s tiny room where he lived with his parents in a two-bed room apartment. His bedroom could fit a single bed, a 16 channel mixing, some rack mount stuff, a handful of guitars, and a PC with a monitor. That\u2019s it.<\/span><\/p>\n<p style=\"font-size: 14px; color: #000000;\"><span style=\"font-size: 12pt; font-family: Helvetica;\">As for the humans, we could fit about 3 to 4 other people in there. Randolf would be sitting on a stool designated for him to face the screen, while the rest of us took turns to sit beside him to review the tracks that we were recording. Forgot about &#8220;rockin&#8217; in a free world&#8221;\u00a0and head banging recklessly. There was literally no room for that. With all the equipment around us, we were sardines in a tin can.<\/span><\/p>\n<p style=\"font-size: 14px; color: #000000;\"><span style=\"font-size: 12pt; font-family: Helvetica;\">We stuck with Randolf for years to come thereafter. He ended up not only becoming our sound engineer and co-producer, he also became our mentor, collaborator, and session guitarist. He was our <a style=\"color: #000000;\" href=\"https:\/\/www.youtube.com\/watch?v=KqnMHYgo4qo\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\"><strong>Brian Eno and Daniel Lanois is to U2<\/strong>,<\/a> all packed into one person. I mean, this was guy knew every detail about music, from the gears, song craft, repairing instruments, modifying stomp boxes, producing, sound engineer&#8230; He was his own company.<\/span><\/p>\n<p style=\"font-size: 14px; color: #000000;\"><span style=\"font-size: 12pt; font-family: Helvetica;\">The truth is, when he was around us, he raised the bar of our performance. I mean, we were by no means U2 (or collective soul for that matter). The point is that we ended up playing better than we can. (Check out <strong><a href=\"https:\/\/www.youtube.com\/watch?v=47UwwTD2pJo\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\"><span style=\"color: #3366ff;\">Randolf performing with us at the Esplanade in Singapore<\/span><\/a><\/strong> 6 years ago).<\/span><\/p>\n<p style=\"font-size: 14px; color: #000000;\"><span style=\"font-size: 12pt; font-family: Helvetica;\">I believe this came from Randolf\u2019s deep devotion to the craft. And he has this uncanny ability to be so specific about what we can do to push our songs, ourselves, individually and collectively to the next level.<\/span><\/p>\n<p style=\"font-size: 14px; color: #000000;\"><span style=\"font-size: 12pt; font-family: Helvetica;\">We spent so many nights talking about music, listening to music and riffing about it. I was introduced to a plethora of wide range of music from my bandmates and Randolf.\u00a0 He personified music. I learned so much about the psychology behind music from him, and how to simplify from the BS and get to the heart of things.<\/span><\/p>\n<p style=\"text-align: center; font-size: 14px; color: #000000;\"><span style=\"font-size: 12pt; font-family: Helvetica;\"><strong style=\"color: #000000;\">He was critical, but not criticising. He pushed us, but never made us feel small. <\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n<p style=\"text-align: center; font-size: 14px; color: #000000;\"><span style=\"font-size: 12pt; font-family: Helvetica;\"><strong style=\"color: #000000;\">Instead, he made us feel like the hero on our\u00a0hero\u2019s journey<\/strong>.<\/span><\/p>\n<p style=\"font-size: 14px; color: #000000;\"><span style=\"font-size: 12pt; font-family: Helvetica;\">Combined with some home-brewed 4 and 8 track records we made on our own and Randolf\u2019s tiny home studio recordings, we released an<span style=\"color: #3366ff;\"><strong><a href=\"https:\/\/myspace.com\/mycamra\/music\/songs?\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\"><span style=\"color: #3366ff;\"> album<\/span><\/a> <\/strong><\/span>together. (We were not in the top of the charts,\u00a0\u00a0nor were we expecting to. We just loved music making. In fact, after some time the album got so painful a process that we just wanted to get it out of the way!). In no small ways, it was a\u00a0 life lesson still embedded in me more than a decade later.<\/span><\/p>\n<p style=\"font-size: 14px; color: #000000;\"><span style=\"font-size: 12pt; font-family: Helvetica;\">I picked up two key takeaways from my musical journey:<b style=\"color: #000000;\">\u00a0<\/b><\/span><\/p>\n<p style=\"font-size: 15px; color: #000000;\"><span style=\"font-size: 12pt; font-family: Helvetica;\"><b style=\"color: #000000;\">1. Seek out\u00a0a few people\u00a0who can guide me in\u00a0<em>specific<\/em> areas,<\/b><\/span><\/p>\n<p style=\"font-size: 15px; color: #000000;\"><span style=\"font-size: 12pt; font-family: Helvetica;\"><b style=\"color: #000000;\">2.\u00a0 Stay close to someone who is better than you.<\/b><\/span><\/p>\n<p style=\"font-size: 15px; color: #000000;\"><span style=\"font-size: 12pt; font-family: Helvetica;\">Randolf is a freakin&#8217; brilliant musician in his own right. <strong><a style=\"color: #000000;\" href=\"https:\/\/www.youtube.com\/watch?v=QJvTT-x8ZAI\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">Watch <\/a><\/strong>him do his magic with <strong><a style=\"color: #000000;\" href=\"https:\/\/www.youtube.com\/watch?v=QJvTT-x8ZAI\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">real-time live looping<\/a><\/strong>.<\/span><\/p>\n<p style=\"font-size: 14px; color: #000000;\"><span style=\"font-size: 12pt; font-family: Helvetica;\">Here&#8217;s Randolf featured in TedX:<\/span><\/p>\n<blockquote class=\"embedly-card\" data-card-controls=\"1\" data-card-align=\"center\" data-card-theme=\"light\">\n<h4><a href=\"https:\/\/www.youtube.com\/watch?v=lGW8EW99cqU\">Live looping technology, creativity and community into music | Randolf Arriola | TEDxSingapore<\/a><\/h4>\n<p>No Description<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n<p><script async src=\"\/\/cdn.embedly.com\/widgets\/platform.js\" charset=\"UTF-8\"><\/script><\/p>\n<p style=\"font-size: 14px; color: #000000;\"><span style=\"font-size: 12pt; font-family: Helvetica;\">This speaks to our work as therapists.<\/span><\/p>\n<blockquote>\n<p style=\"text-align: center; font-size: 14px; color: #000000;\"><span style=\"font-size: 18pt; font-family: 'Times New Roman', Times;\"><strong style=\"color: #000000;\"> We need a good coach. We need someone who we can help us raise the bar of our performance, and help us become better versions of ourselves (not a copy of the supervisor\/coach).<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n<p style=\"font-size: 14px; color: #000000;\"><span style=\"font-size: 12pt; font-family: Helvetica;\">This made me seek out clinicians who are better than me. People who can teach me and guide me. Early on, \u00a0I decided that I&#8217;m going to be a perpetual student. No shame.<\/span><\/p>\n<p style=\"font-size: 14px; color: #000000;\"><span style=\"font-size: 12pt; font-family: Helvetica;\">Who do you seek out to raise the bar in your development as a therapist? Do you get specific directives\u00a0on what you can work on that can leverage on your effectiveness, and not just some<span style=\"color: #3366ff;\"><strong> <a href=\"http:\/\/darylchow.com\/frontiers\/2015\/03\/05\/5-the-scandal-of-clinical-supervision-heres-the-shocker-part-1-of-2\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\"><span style=\"color: #3366ff;\">theory talk or \u00a0vague &#8220;case consultation&#8221;<\/span><\/a><\/strong><\/span>?<\/span><\/p>\n<p style=\"font-size: 14px; color: #000000;\"><span style=\"font-size: 12pt; font-family: Helvetica;\">Stay tuned for more on this topic of clinical supervision and coaching. (Or simply signup on the right sidebar for to receive hassle-free updates in your inbox from\u00a0<span style=\"color: #3366ff;\"><strong><em><a href=\"http:\/\/darylchow.com\/themindofhealth\/2016\/07\/08\/three-surprising-facts-about-psychotherapy-you-and-your-doctors-need-to-know\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\"><span style=\"color: #3366ff;\">Frontiers<\/span><\/a><\/em><\/strong>)<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n<p style=\"font-size: 14px; color: #000000;\"><span style=\"font-size: 12pt; font-family: Helvetica;\">You might also be interested in these past posts:<\/span><\/p>\n<p style=\"font-size: 14px; color: #000000;\"><span style=\"font-size: 12pt; font-family: Helvetica;\"><strong><a href=\"http:\/\/darylchow.com\/frontiers\/2015\/03\/05\/5-the-scandal-of-clinical-supervision-heres-the-shocker-part-1-of-2\/\"><span style=\"color: #3366ff;\">The Scandal of Clinical Supervision: Here\u2019s the Shocker (Part 1 of 2)<\/span><\/a><\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n<p style=\"font-size: 14px; color: #000000;\"><span style=\"font-size: 12pt; font-family: Helvetica; color: #3366ff;\"><strong><a href=\"http:\/\/darylchow.com\/frontiers\/2015\/03\/05\/6-the-scandal-of-clinical-supervision-how-to-resolve-it-part-2-of-2\/\"><span style=\"color: #3366ff;\">The Scandal of Clinical Supervision: How to Resolve It (Part 2 of 2)<\/span><\/a><\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n<p style=\"font-size: 14px; color: #000000;\"><span style=\"font-size: 12pt; font-family: Helvetica; color: #3366ff;\"><strong><a href=\"http:\/\/darylchow.com\/frontiers\/2015\/01\/17\/3-clinical-practice-vs-deliberate-practice\/\"><span style=\"color: #3366ff;\">Clinical Practice vs. Deliberate Practice: Why Your Years of Experience Doesn\u2019t Get You Better<\/span><\/a><\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n<p style=\"font-size: 14px; color: #000000;\"><em><span style=\"font-size: 12pt; font-family: Helvetica;\">p\/s:\u00a0<strong><a style=\"color: #000000;\" href=\"http:\/\/www.scottdmiller.com\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">Scott Miller<\/a><\/strong>\u00a0recently on this\u00a0<strong><a style=\"color: #000000;\" href=\"http:\/\/www.scottdmiller.com\/behavioral_health\/improving-therapist-effectiveness-what-does-and-does-not-work\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">common topic<\/a><\/strong>\u00a0as well.<\/span><\/em><\/p>\n<p style=\"font-size: 11px; color: #000000;\"><span style=\"font-size: 12pt; font-family: Helvetica;\">*Note: In order to protect his privacy, Freddy is not his real name. Freddy was after all kind enough to entertain a bunch of kids like us in his recording studio.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span id=\"inserted7052\" style=\"font-size: 12pt; color: #000000; font-family: Helvetica;\">Love to hear your more from you\u00a0about who this person who guided you in your personal &amp;\/or \u00a0professional life.<\/span><\/p>\n<p style=\"font-size: 14px;\"><span style=\"font-size: 12pt;\"><em><span style=\"font-family: Helvetica;\">Til then,<\/span><\/em><\/span><\/p>\n<p style=\"font-size: 14px;\"><span style=\"font-size: 12pt;\"><em><span style=\"font-family: Helvetica;\">\u00a0<span style=\"color: #3366ff;\"><strong><a href=\"http:\/\/www.darylchow.com\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\"><span style=\"color: #3366ff;\">Daryl Chow, Ph.D<\/span>.<\/a><\/strong><\/span><\/span><\/em><\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>When this guy was in the room, I played better. We first met Randolf Arriola when I was\u00a0 about 17 years old. My bandmates and I saved up enough money to go into a&#46;&#46;&#46;<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":1091,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[116,111,2],"tags":[7,9,16,18,28],"class_list":["post-1086","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-clinical-supervision","category-deliberate-practice","category-for-professionals","tag-clinical-practice","tag-coaching","tag-deliberate-practice","tag-development","tag-guidance"],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v25.4 - https:\/\/yoast.com\/wordpress\/plugins\/seo\/ -->\n<title>Why We Need This One Person For Us To Get Better - Frontiers of Psychotherapist Development<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/darylchow.com\/frontiers\/why-we-all-need-this-one-person-to-get-better\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Why We Need This One Person For Us To Get Better - Frontiers of Psychotherapist Development\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"When this guy was in the room, I played better. 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